That's great. You sound so good. I'm so envious. Just can't wait for my turn. I have a silly question. Do you feel "different"? I know you are... but do you feel it? I wonder if the moment after surgury if I'll feel like their is something real different about me.... like I'm sorta a new me. I feel that in my head, like that's how I feel. I just wonder if that's all just imaginary or if you do sorta feel that way?

I kinda do feel different. I am taking care of my self a little better than before - always putting on smell-good lotions and making sure I have earrings on and my hair is cute. Odd for me - I feel this is my second chance at life. I can't believe it still. I keep trying to explain away my weightloss - like, oh, its probably just water, or maybe I weighed with heavy clothes on, it is hard to believe that I am ACTUALLY losing weight. I love my band. Your time will come - it will seem like forever, but it will come and when you find out, time will freakin fly! I haven't had time to process everything!

That's just what I wanted to hear. I thought that way... that I'd feel just like that. I love how you said "second chance at life". I want that, that feeling right their. I HATE feelings how I do about myself. I NEVER let my husband see me naked (sorry if that TMI). I have so much shame and I rarely bother to put on makeup or do my hair... what's the point. I know that's horrible to say. But it is how I feel. I never go out looking unclean or anything... but.... what's the point in putting hours into my appearance.... no one notices me. I used to be bulimic. I've been thin in my life. My teen years, I was hot. But since the birth of my daughter I've been nothing but heavy. Now I've had my son.... I'm just gone. I'm still inside this massive amount of flesh and fat... but no one sees me, not really. Guys don't notice me when I walk by, not if I spend 10 minutes or 10 hours on my looks. Not that I want guys... I love my spouse. It just would be nice not to feel like I don't exist sometimes. UGHH! I just can't wait for this surgury. I'll do whatever it takes to get it and I will be so good. I just need that little bit of help. To protect me from myself, and falling back into depending on food for everything. Pray for me! :biggrin: Thank you for being so inspiring.

I agree with EVERYTHING you just said. My hubby tells me he loves me the way I am - but I just can't believe that. He never sees me naked - and I am always hiding behind something. I am so self conscious. I hate it. Times are a changin!

Well, I am so happy for you. Everyone here who's changing it. My hubby is just the same, nothing but kind words to my face. But he also thinks Haley Berry is beautiful. How can someone that likes that shaped girl.... well how can he look at me and see the perfection he claims? As much as my heart would love to believe it.... well I'm far to logical and I guess skeptical. I'm just like you, hiding. Like if he doesn't see how fat I am naked then he won't know.... cause my clothes make me appear 100 pounds lighter.... LOL! :biggrin: I'm so weird but can't control it. I have big friends that are so confortable with themselves. They wear plus size lingerie and strute their Lane Bryant clothing... they dress to the nine's (with the nails, hair, jewelry and fancy shoes) and they feel great about themselves. To those folks I recommend no change, unless they are at some risk with their health. But for folks like me, people who will never accept themselves as is and can't seem to change it on their own then I think this surgury may be the next best thing to heaven. I actually have a kind of emotional attachment for the piece of plastic they are going to put in me... my Lap-Band! :tt2: I want to name it! :frown: I even get defensive when people attack the idea of it. How crazy is it, that I'm this excited?

We must be related! I thought I was the only one whos clothes hid 100lbs! I haven't had anyone attack the idea, but Lord help them if they do.

I think it is great that you are excited. I too am so excited. Everyday is now a day that I can change for the better. I remember times on WW or some diet and I would lose a few lbs, deep down, I knew it would come back on. Now, I know it won't. I think I love my band too. Hadn't thought about naming it, but, with I might have to now!

OH! mynmann i know what you mean... i have always been over weight and i swore that if i got this position as a receptionist i would look good every day. it worked for like a month and then i put on some more weight and my cloths started fitting tighter, clothes that i had just gotten about 2 months before. i even went and had my hair cut off to half the length and colored (it felt great!) and then i went right back. i really feel like what is the point. my boyfriend of two years has never seen all of me naked at once with the lights on....i just cant handle it i feel like he will say, "oh, sh*......really.....turn the light back off.." and i know he wouldn't ever, but its still there. he and i do not live together...and i have now gotten so bad that even if i have nothing to do and he has the day off i still will not go see him because i don't feel like its worth it to put the make up on or fix my hair... and i feel like i have to with him cause he acts funny if i dont.....maybe its just in my head but either way its bad.....so i get you i really do and I'm sacred poopless to have surgery but i think i might just so i can be naked in the light and not, not feel comfortable but do it and not even think about it because i have that self worth inside.... you know what i mean?