I Keep telling myself, okay, today I'm going to be back on track! Then, I do good, then fall off the wagon.

I weighed this morning and I am up to 185 lbs! I weighed at one time 167! I am so disgusted with myself. I feel like the biggest PIG! I keep waiting on that "restriction" and it isn't happening. I get some, then lose it, or I get too tight. I'm so mad at myself that I screwed up, I used to have pretty good restriction at 3.8, but then tried to get tighter, and well, now I'm still trying to get that restriciton back! Sucks.

I am using it as an excuse to eat what I want, when I want etc. Well, it was a major wake up call. I feel bad to keep typing in my journal how - I'm going to start and how good I'm going to do, then I don't. I keep breaking promises to myself. I have to be true to myself so I've got to take control - for good.

It seems I do good for a week, then blow it for 2 weeks. Its a vicious cycle. The weight is creaping back on and I must stop it now! I must! I must!

I was in tears this morning, but I am not going to "feel sorry" for myself, or beat myself up anymore. I can't change the past, but I can change the future. No more sweets, no more sugar! No more!

Its time to pull my head out of the sand and quit doing the self destruction like I've done with every diet in the past. I am hoping to get my restriction back at my next fill - 4/7/08, but until then, I need to focus, really focus. I need to THINK before I eat, I need to plan my meals! I must exercise! I don't want to be a Band Failure, I want to be a success!

Okay - my life will change. I will report my weight everyday on here. Good or bad, I'm also going to report my menu - good or bad!

Wt 184.7

Exercise -

Menu

Protein shake - chocolate Whey protein, with added coffee

Coffee with cream - no sugar

Lunch - Roasted chicken, few bites of green beans and some corn

Snack - 1/2 container of strawberry no sugar yogurt with a little grape nuts added in it.

Dinner - Roast, few carrots