urhm
I feel a general sense of not being well today.
I miss Steve, I miss the way things used to be. I miss the way he made me laugh, and how we wasted our time together. He said the kindest sweetest things, and then would be thrown off because I didnt expect him to say them. It was cute.
I need a smoke, but alas, no lighter, not alot of people that I work with smoke, I guess. Its my fault, really, I shouldnt have left the thing at home.
I feel like I have been robbed of an opprotunity.
I feel like it was taken away from my roommate. I feel like I will never be able to lose any weight with her around, I feel like I will never be able to breathe when shes around.
I feel like I got in way over my head with my roommate and now, after 2 years, my debt is paid. I can leave. We started this out as a 6 month thing, and now its been 2 years of me wasting my time. I feel like shes done nothing but taken from me
This of course, I know isnt true. Its not that all of her is bad, or that everything she does is evil, but she had a direct correlation to Steve and I deciding not to continue. I want to punch her in her fat mouth.
Its a totally perverted relationship, and I havent been able to speak this out loud before, because if I had, I would have had to immediately end the situation. I think shes in love with me. I know this sounds crazy. I really honestly thinks she wishes I were a man, she wishes she could marry me. This sounds arrogant, I realize, but, her actions, shes so terribly jealous, and mean spirited when it comes to men in my life.
Its so strange.
Compounded by the fact that she jokingly asked me to put her kids on my insurance at work, and call her and I life partners.
WTF
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