January 24, 2008 (177) Yay! I'm back on track and losing weight again. My jeans don't feel as tight, and I feel better.

Here's a new story I wanted to share...

Two Sundays ago we went to Bob Evans Restaurant after church. Hubby dropped me off out front and went to park the car. The hostess seated me right away. We were walking back to the table when a man I've never met approached me. He said "Would you believe I've lost 198 pounds with gastric bypass?" I was taken aback, and said something like "that's wonderful, I'm happy for you". He went on to say something about how life changing it was, and that now he looked like John Travolta, and that he felt it was his duty to tell people his story. Clearly, the man was a bit strange, and it was definitely a strange situation. I wished him the best and the hostess seated me. I thought right away "Why me? Of all the people in that restaurant, why did he pick me? Does he only pick out heavy people he thinks the surgery could help? Am I bigger than I think?" Oh my gosh, it sent me into a tailspin. I sat at the table and my thoughts were racing. Later, the hostess came by and said "Don't worry about that man, he tells everybody his story." I'll admit, I felt better, but wow, where did these insecurities come from? How quickly the "old me" comes out. I keep hearing about the head not keeping up with the body. Here is a classic case in point. I still THINK I'm a heavy person. I don't know how long this lasts, but I can't get my head wrapped around the size I am. My lapband changed my weight, but it didn't change my head. Maintenance isn't going to only be about maintaining my weight. I've got TONS of work on me to do. I have a terrible self image. I had my fur coat cut down. It took a long time past when it was promised, and when I finally got it, I wasn't happy with it, but I still paid for it and wore it home. What's up with that? I wore it for a few days, and was finally so disgusted with it that I took it back. I cringed going in the store, and meekly explained what was wrong with the coat. The owner agreed to fix all the problems, and he made the statement "you are too nice". Bam- an AHH-HAA moment! He's right! He hit the nail on the head. I am so used to being "nice" in order to be heard. I never wanted to be the stereotypical loud, uncouth, slopply fat lady. I never wanted to be like the housekeeper on the show Two And A Half Men, or like a Roseann Barr kind of person. Attractive normal sized people get heard. My confidence in myself (or lack thereof) determines how I will be treated the rest of my life. I think it's time to start changing the "inside me".

Beautiful,brillant very vivid story...loved it, and keep them coming...

Dawn, Thank you for your encouragement and kind words. I wish you the best on YOUR journey. Oh, and your little one is just BEAUTIFUL! You are a blessed lady!

Thank you so much Kim...I think she is too! She is my Lil Angel..Her name is Jalaia

Wow!!! As Oprah says...Ahh Haa moment. Loved the story.