Yesterday morning: 228

im so broke. im feeling thin and pretty. got my hair done, eyebrows and something else waxed, last night was the artwalk and my opening reception for the show here, and im exhausted.

Ive been out there schmoozing and socializing and im ready to go back into seclusion now before i get into any more trouble. You know, no one ever really talks about, or maybe they just feel like they cant because there is always someone to chastize, but the way things in life change when you start to get to a 'normal' size. LIfe is completely different. some ways better, some ways worse. its hard to say. whats the expression, "the upside of down and the downside of up"? i think im starting to understand that better. when i lost with phenphen back in 1999 i thought the changes were due to the drug and it making me insane. Its more than that though, its the way you see things through thinner eyes. some of its very scary. we replace behaviors with other ones but they really arent any better for you, the results can be horrible. I worry for myself. I think i will be okay if i can reel it in now. Ive let things start to get out of hand.