It's been a few days since I've been here to post. I havent been strong enough to lift myself to the desk nevermind type a coherent sentence. I made it thru thursday... I even drove myself home from work. Friday, I went to work. I am on the mashed tater stage so thats what I have for lunch. Now, I work for a doctors office, we get drug rep lunches weekly. I get to the break room and its Boston Market. Out of laziness I decide to eat those mashed taters instead of my own.. I figure instant is instant. Yeah, not so much. Those taters were heaven. By 12:30, I wanted to die. Now I'm already not feeling well and I go and eat catered fast food taters. Brilliant idea. NOT. I go out to my car to relax.. aka not puke. I get back to my desk at 1pm and silently wait for my boss to return at 1:30. I wussed out and went home. Now I dont know if the taters made me feel worse but something did me in. I get home and have my period 2 weeks early.. that may also play a small factor in my all-around ickiness.

So it's Friday night... hubby is out again with Tony, I am up from my nap flipping thru the tv for something to watch. Wouldnt ya know it.. I get caught up watching some food network show that may have been diners, drive-ins and dives... something to that effect. The first show is all BBQ. Not a fan so I watch cuz its interesting and I'm tired of channel surfing. The next show (kill me now) is all burgers. I like burgers but I dont LOVE burgers. Watching this show made me drool so bad. I'm the girl who goes to Red Robin or Texas Roadhouse and gets a salad. I could have killed for a burger after that show. I had some water.

I got up saturday, had b-fast then a cup of tea. Suprise suprise, I went back to bed. I got up had lunch and got dressed again. Went to the parental units with the husband and Spooky (he needed to get out of the house). My Mother is not the most lucid/coherent people on the planet. I told her that I'd lost 13 pounds so far and she said that my tummy was all wrinkley all ready. Okay, sure. When Mom started to cook dinner I vacated... she was making burgers. (see above).

Hubby and I took a trip to the local Wal-Mart.. got our shit and got out. Went back to Moms to get the cat and then went to Big Y. I got some yogurt and hubby got some junk food for himself. I must confess. I got cheese. Anyone who knows me knows that I have been DYING for cheese. I couldnt find what I really wanted so I got one of those bricks of mozzerella. Got home and had me 1oz of that for dinner. 30 minutes later, I cracked open a diet snapple raspberry iced tea and have been wide awake since. I forgot about the caffiene involved. My diet sheet says I can have diet snapple so I did. Damn it. lol. Now, I cant sleep. Thank good tomorrow is technically Sunday. I can sleep in once I can sleep.

I have decided that I truly have no support system. The support system that I thought I would have posted trash talk about me on another blog/lap band forum and I found it. Now I dont have use for that in my life but since she had the procedure done a few months ago, I have a zillion questions and would love to ask but I have no need to talk to her. The other person I know is the office manager for the physician side of work but only I know that she had it done and when she talks to me it's about her "friend". She is 2 years out and eats nothing but crap. Thats not much of an inspiration to me. When I asked if the tired icky feeling would get better she said "eventually." Yeah, no help. So I am on my own. My husband, who say his own nutritionist this week, went all day today without eating then polished off some chicken fingers and mac n cheese and something else. I think he knows better than to do that but he claims he doesnt want to eat infront of me. I think thats why he has been hanging out with tony so much.

Speaking of food and the hubby... he wakes up this morning, looks at me and says, "I'm sorry but I want the buffet." So I respond, "I'm sorry but so do I." I really think this is going to be a big issue in the upcoming months. I do not blame him for my fatness but he doesnt like to eat at home. If I cant/wont go out to eat all the time, it may cause problems. Everything we have ever done together has in some way revolved around food. We'd go run errands and the first question once in the car was where are we going to eat? Food has been the center point of everything for us. I hope he understands that I'm not playing that game any longer. I cant kill myself one cheese fry at a time. Under all this pale white fatness is a petite girl dying to get out. I have shut her up with chocolate for far too long.

Okay, I have rambled for far too long and I need water....

hang in there. you may very well find a support system here. i would say try to stay away from the food network, but i like to watch it too sometimes

Odd thing is.. I never watch the food network. I'm usually on HGTV or TLC. I am experiencing behaviors that are not my norm.