So, today started with me hearing the first line to a song 'You better, crawl, on your knees, the next time, you say you love me.'

Sounds like the beginning to an awesome song right? It was, but it sort of got me thinking. How many times have I said this to myself, tomorrow is a new day, a new beginning, and how many times have I not been able to follow through? I should be (figuratively) crawling on my knees thanking my body for dealing with all the abuse I have put it through with all the bullshit food that I have eaten in my life.

In anycase, lets talk about the dude. Steve, Steven, Steve, Steve, Steve. He likes me now, the way I am now, he likes my brain. I want him to like everything else This, of course is completely selfish, I want to be that girl that drives the men nuts. For a while, (and I am only 25), I believed I could never ever be that girl. Ever. I would just have to accept that I was the smart fat girl, that funny girl, the one all the men want to spend their time with, the one that they dont want to share a bed with.

Well, take that, you jerks, because I am well on my way, and now you will not only have to deal with the fact that I'm funny, and smart, and good company, but I am going to be hella cute too =) You will not be able to resist me. hahaha, of course, I am trying to think this way, but fat girl mentality sort of stops me sometimes.

This brings me to my next point, the laws of attraction. Now, the interesting thing is this, I did not read the secret, PFFT. I will not read the secret, I will not even captalize the name of the book, and I will tell you why, its rehashed information. The bible talks about Laws of Attractions, positive visualization. People have been talking about it for HUNDREDS of years, probably longer. The yogis, priests, even in pagan texts from ireland there are references to it.

The secret is a rip off, wanna know what the secret is? Mind over matter. And thats exactly whats happening for me right now.

So, back to the subject at hand. Its been a little more than 2 months since the surgery. I will be honest and admit I hadnt started to work out up until 4 days ago. I started with the Power 90 DVDs, which are awesome, but the first time I did it, it made me so sore that for the next three days all I was able to do was treadmill time, this is okay with me, as I am spending 30-60 minutes on the treadmill at a time.

I am staying focused, taking my protien, and working out everyday. This will work. While I dont really feel like I have proper restriction yet, I do feel some, and I know that after my next fill, I will feel more.

As a side note, my port has been sore since I started the exercise. I think this is just because I am moving around more. I am not worried about the idea that my port has flipped because like I said, the Laws of Attraction do work, and I will not invite that type of thinking into my life.

More later

-A

I read the first three paragraphs of your journal and I swear it sounded like I was reading about myself. I havn't had the surgery yet but I am on my way and I have seen the results first hand. Work hard for sucess, I look forward to reading about your sucess and using it to push myself as my surgery date grows closer.

Well thank you! I really appreciate the kindness in your words. This surgery isnt easy, but the rewards are going to be awesome