Mom's controling beh has cost me a lot in life, including my weight issues, secretive behavior, not moving forward w my only sweetheart, the love of my life, Alissa said I behave the way I do w food to stuff my emotions and not feel them...since last nite I 've been teary eyed, I told him to-day that I owed him an apology, that I know I had been difficult for the last month & it had nothing to do w him, it had to do w my mother and how controlling she was & she wanted me to pack up & go to India to live w her, he got very soft & heard me out. He didn't say a word later when ralph left the room he just lay his head back & closed his eyes, he looked drained.

Alissa said there is a link between emotional eating & controlling mothers & overweight daughters. People w eating disorders also love secrecy...that's why I love to eat in private, don't open up about my emotions, finances and more...in pathetic efforts to control my life. She said the best thing I could have done was cut off w her, & it's true since my visit to Mumbai,I've gotten worse w my eating....& my relat w him has gotten bad. bec I'm afraid to let anyone in..I'll lose controll of my life...that's my fear!

Sartaj Aunty s/w me on Tues & was very supportive of my relationship w him, she asked me why 14 yrs & I told her because it wouldn't have been fair to him to have my kids come before him. He didn't deserve that. Now I have the time to devote & make him #1 in my life. She is right when she said my kids have a right to their own lives just as I had a right to mine at their age & I still resent toxic Mom for expecting me to go take care of her...what damn nonsense!:mad: She shared w me how Zafar her brother told her that at our age life moves very fast. She is also right that I have a right to my own happiness & not to care what people think bec when push comes to shove they don't really care...they are too involved in their own lives! She asked me why I was hesitant & I told her bec he's a control freak @ work...again she wisely said"a man's different in his personal life...don't apply that to how he relates to you"