O-kay so I got weighed officially at the surgeons office. And as I had suspected I had gained a lot (17lbs). So I changed my journal name to Tina 295 to reflect my starting weight. It's amazing how self destructive I can be. On a positive note I start the pre-op diet tomorrow. The diet consists of one protien shake in the morning. Three cans of slim fast a day. And vegetables (no corn or potato) for lunch and dinner. I get to do this for a month. I am suposed to lose 25lbs by then. The Doctor said that most people lose between 5 and 8 lbs a week on this diet so this should definately be doable. All of my paperwork, etc. is being sent to insurance for approval. The gals at the doc's office said that Blue Cross usually responds quickly. Assuming insurance approval goes smoothly and my weight loss goes smoothly they set a tenative surgery date for Oct. 18th.

I am in awe. None of this seems real. I just feel like I'm jumping through another hoop to get to this far off dream that I have. But it is becoming a reality. I'm sure it will seem real when I'm sick of slimfast shakes and vegetables 4 weeks from now.

I have told a few more people. I told my grandmother who raised me today and I told a close friend in town. The friend was very supportive. My Grandmother had a couple comments that kind of rubbed me wrong but I know she means well. She just has a hard time that I can't do it myself. She's talking about coming out when I have the surgery to help with the baby. Maybe I can explain it better to her then. I am still torn on when to tell other people. My husband thinks I should just be honest when asked, but that I don't need to volenteer any information. I think I agree with him.

All I know is how tired I am of being fat and depressed about it. I'm tired of the self destructive behavior I indulge in. I am ready for the change. And it starts tomorrow.

Here are my current stats:

height: 5' 7" weight: 295 BMI: 46

bust: 53 1/2 in

waist: 55 in

hips: 57 in

thigh: 35 in

calves: 21 in

arms: 17 in

OMG!! I'm almost as round as I am tall!!!!

but not for much longer!!:car:

Good luck to all of you on your journey's.