Ok I know I titled this entry Day One, now I can almost guarantee that I will not post here everyday. Unfortunately I am terrible at doing something day after day that doesn't effect me physically (ie. showering, brushing my hair, eating) let's definitely not forget the eating that's why I am where I am today! But I have decided that whatever it takes and however long it takes and I am going to do this for ME and my babygirl too (well she's not exactly a baby anymore, she's almost 13) but she will always be my BABYGIRL. So I have started keeping track of my food intake again since I should be having my surgery in about a month and half and I need to try and lose about 15-20 lbs by then. I have been not doing so well in the eating department since I saw the surgeon on Sept. 4th, I think I got too excited to hear that he finally put my paperwork through for the surgery in Nov. that I slacked on my eating properly. BAD GIRL!!! I am going to be as good as I can for the next 6 weeks until surgery.

Now for my personal life it has been absolutely CRAZY the last week or so. I start logging online again after 3 years of not going on my IM account and low and behold all the oldies come out the woodwork. First there is Larry who I met about 3 1/2 years ago and we dated for a few weeks but by week 3 he was telling me that he loved me and wanted to be in an exclusive relationship and boy was I NOT ready for that. I know I want someone to be there for me to hold, cuddle, kiss me, and kiss me somemore but I just wasn't ready to settle down at that time. Now he says he is more mature and wise, to me that is the first sign that he's NOT!!! Then there is Patrick, he was just a baby when I met him. I was 25 and he was 19-20, that blew me away and I just thought...WAY TOO YOUNG FOR ME! So I broke that off after just about 2 weeks. He IM'd me the other day when I was online and I responded just to say hi and see how he was doing. We decided to meet up, so I met him for about an hour just to say hi and talk a little bit...boy is he a sweet talker or what. I knew there was something about him last time.

We decided to meet again the next night and this time we spent about 2 hours talking...well he did most of the talking. But this time he was very romantic, holding hands, kissing my neck and holding me. It was sweet and I needed those hugs but the SPARK was NOT there! I don't know what to do??? I called my best friend today and she talked me through all my confusion and I have decided that I am going to just DATE...that means NO committed relationships! I am going to hold back and just have a good time getting to know men. I am tired of the thought that I need to fins someone to be in a relationship with and settle down. I definitely want to eventually have that and have a family but right now I have the right to see what I want, not what the men want.

Well I am getting tired of typing at work so I am going to leave it there for now - Goodnight!