It's funny how when I start to focus on my weight and losing it, I also start looking at my appearance and making changes. The nail polish comes out, the tweezers go to work, even tubes of self-bronzer, liquid eyeliner, and exfoliant find there way back into my life. Instead of buying Real Simple magazine, I pick up Vogue or Elle. Instead of searching out comfy sweat pants, I'm looking for fitted jackets and fancy bras. I wonder why, for me, the girly girl side of my personality really doesn't come out unless I am paying attention to my weight. There are many overweight women who wouldn't leave the house without makeup but I've never been one of them. I head out with scarcely my hair being brushed, let along spending time getting my lip liner on straight. Don't get me wrong, just because I haven't worried about these things doesn't mean I don't know how to do them. I'm fairly adept at makeup, accessorizing, and all the other fashionable arts. I just never bothered to partake in them while I was doing my best to ignore my weight.

Certainly any shrink, hairdress or celebrity stylist could diagnose the reason for my apathy. If someone is ignoring their growing waist line, they might not want to draw attention to themselves with nail polish and glossy lips. In short, if you feel like a sow's ear, you can't really imagine fashioning yourself into a silk purse.

I admire those ladies of size that say "to hell with that" and go for the glamour. I think its great that their weight doesn't bear any relation to how they view themselves as a woman. But for me, I just don't feel sexy or worthy of pampering when my weight is out of control. But the control I now have with the band has also unleashed my inner fashionista. Even though I have a long way to go to my goal weight, my perception is changing. I am seeing myself in a new way; someone in the mirror who likes mascara framing her eyes. I doubt I'll ever become a woman who can't leave the house without her makeup, but I'll have that vixen red lipstick in my purse, just in case.:kiss2: