Okay. I have an appointment for my first consult, but I have alredy decided that I will have this procedure done. I am self pay and hope to be banded on the 24th of July at the latest.

My story: I am 5'2" and with 184 as of this morning. The most I've weighed was 194 (exluding pregnancies). The least I've weighed that I can remember was weighing 135 on the day I got married. I had been dieting for months to get there. I was running 5 miles a day at least 5 days a week and not eating much. I swear, i must have gained 10 lbs on our honeymoon. My weight fluctuated after that from the 150s to high 160s for years. Then I had my 2 kids, who are 7 and 4. After my 4yo was born I dieted and went from 176 to 144. Again, running played a huge part. I actually maintained the weight for 6 months to a year, but the weight kept creeping up on me again. I just see this as such a pattern and want to end it.

All of my friends are thin. Even at 135 I wasn't any thinner than anyone else. I was about the same, if not bigger. My family fights weight too. My father passed away at 69. He dieted most of his life too. He would have drastic swings of weight loss/gain. I am like my dad this way. My aunt was severely obese and confined to a scooter for the last 15-20 years of her life until she died at like 74. My mom is heavy. She is probably a size 20. My siblings all have to be careful. Right now, I am the fattest of all my siblings. I always used to be the small one.

Anyway, I have decided to get this under control on a permanent basis. I can't wait!!! I am nervous, but more excited. i know it won't be an easy thing to lose the weight, but I hope to have control over my eating again.

We leave on a cruise August 9th. I, of course, hoped to be thin for the cruise. That's obviously not going to happen. It would be nice if I could be 10 or 15 lbs down by then, though! I haven't been in shorts all summer. Capris are the closest I get. My legs are the very worst part of my body. They have always been huge. Even when I'm thin (relatively speaking) my legs are fat/thick. I have been going to a tanning salon to get some sun on my legs before the cruise. I know i can't avoid shorts or a swimsuit -- I will try though.

I feel like I'm cheating my family being so big. I am not willing to take them to the pool b/c all these skinny moms are there in their cute suits and there I am in capris feeling fat and stupid. My kids and DH deserve more and so do I.

My DH. He's a great guy. We have lots of fun together and he never makes me feel fat and gross. He is thin and very self-disciplined. He is successful in his job and we are, for the most part, happy. I don't think that he totally understands why I don't just eat the right foods and exercise more to lose the weight. At the same time, he is very practical. He sees the pattern too and even said "the best predictor of future behavior in past behavior". He in 100% on board with me having this done and has okay'd the $13,500 it will cost to have it done. Honestly, I don't think he has ever said no to anything I've ever wanted. I am so glad he didn't start now!

Anyway, that's basically my story and where I'm at in this process. I am sooo looking forward to having a healthy lifestyle and being thin again!