I guess I should explain why I feel I need this surgery. I was always the smallest child (or close to it) all thru school. I weighed 98 pounds when I was graduated from high school. I was always a 'hungry' child - eating anything and everything I could get my hands on. We were moderately 'poor' so mostly starches, beans, etc. From the birth of my daughter (when I was 20 on), the scales started creeping up. (I thought I was 'fat' at 130 pounds and 5'2" after I delivered!!)

After a divorce, raised my daughter on my own. I decided I would not 'do without' if I could help it. Had a successful career as a systems analyst/computer programmer - a sedentary job. Remarried after my daughter left home and married. Retired at age 55 in 2002 (mainly because I couldn't function anymore - no energy, etc). Shortly after retiring, my 'not doing without - food mainly' caught up with me. Found out why I couldn't function any longer. My LAD artery was 90% blocked (had been having symptoms for probably 2 years but stress tests previous had come back normal.) Diagnosed with coronary artery disease, diabetes, high blood pressure all approximately same time in 2003. (Already had been on meds for high cholesterol for a few years by that time).

I had made several weight loss attempts through the years - WW, Optifast, Fen-Phen, Diet Workshop and more of the same. Tried to buckle down after the stents in LAD and artery to kidney and lose weight. Atkins, South Beach, etc, doctor assisted shakes, etc, etc.

Gained another 10-15 pounds. Right knee replacement almost 2 years ago due to previous injuries (falls). My orthopedic surgeon said on my first followup 'You have the smallest bones I have ever seen for such a large person." Boy, what a compliment! My husband laughed his ass off!! However, he is being supportive for this surgery so I am very happy about that!

So here I stand - a 5'2" 245ish pound lardass ready to try to turn my health around. I don't feel like I have the extra year to waste to go on an insurance-required diet and am lucky enough to have enough money in my retirement account to be self-pay (and hopefully live long enough to spend the rest of it!!) If I could lose (and keep the weight off) on the diet it would already be a done deal and I wouldn't need the lapband surgery!!

I hope to be able to do all these things when I lose some weight:

1) Ride my horse without worrying that I am breaking his back!!

2) Have the energy to clean my house and shovel out all the stuff I gathered thru the years.

3) Stick my arm in that blood pressure thing at Walmart and not have it get stuck there!! And use a normal blood pressure cuff!

4) Walk somewhere without huffing and puffing and stopping to rest 20 times.

5) Get off all these pills I am taking - or at least most of them!!

6) Quit getting my butt stuck in chairs/theatre seats, etc with arms.

7) Have enough energy to play with grandkids, do some gardening, ride my bike.

8) Not be the biggest person in the room. (Already accomplished this when I went to the bariatric clinic-how sad. Finally sat in a chair too big for me!! But I don't consider this a NSV) What a sick mentality I have that I rejoice that someone in the room is bigger than me - this isn't usually the case tho.

9) Do something besides read, crochet and watch soaps on tv all day long because I don't feel like doing much else.

10) I'm sure there are many more but I have gone brain-dead for now.

Thanks to all those who support people here on this forum. I read the good, the bad and the ugly here (in probably half the posts) before making my final decision to have the lapband surgery. I am not usually a joiner but more a lurker so probably won't be posting very often. I started out making my journal private because I was writing it mainly for me but decided maybe if it could help even one person make the journey it would be worth it.