6/13/07
:)IN 4 DAYS I WILL FINALLY HAVE MY SURGERY. IM NOT SURE HOW I FEEL ABOUT YET, WELL I DO KNOW THAT I'M EXCITED AND I KNOW THAT THINGS CAN ONLY GET BETTER FROM NOW. I HAVE A 1YEAR OLD BABY AND I WANNA SEE HER GET OLDER AND I WANNA BE ABLE TO PLAY WITH HER AND I WANT HER TO HAVE A GREAT MOM THAT SHE CAN PLAY WITH AND THAT OTHER KIDS DON'T MAKE FUN OF. AT THE RATE IM GOING I KNOW IF I DON'T TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES I WILL SURELY DIE IF NOT FROM MY WEIGHT FROM BEING DEPRESSED ABOUT IT:( SOMETIMES ITS HARD FOR ME TO EVEN LEAVE THE HOUSE AND I KNOW THAT MY CONSTANT DEPRESSION IF CHANGING MY RELATIONSHIP WITH MY HUSBAND. I KNOW HE LOVES ME NO MATTER WHAT I LOOK LIKE AND I KNOW IM LUCKY TO HAVE HIM IN THAT SENSE. HE HAS NEVER EVER MADE ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY WEIGHT AND HE SAYS HE LOVES ME NO MATTER HOW MUCH I GAIN BUT IM DOING THIS FOR ME NOT FOR ANYONE ELSE. PEOPLE DON'T REALLY SEEM TO UNDERSTAND HOW HARD IT IS FOR SOMEONE TO LOSE WEIGHT THEY THINK "STOP EATING" THEY CAN'T RELATE THEY HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THIS ADDICTION DOES TO SOMEONE.IM TIRED OF THE DISCRIMATION ITS TIME TO CHANGE MY LIFE....
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