Well, it's been nearly 2 months since surgery and I must say the healing process was pretty easy for me. I was really sick the first few days after surgery but a week out I felt really good. I had no appetite until one week after surgey. I was surprised at how much I could actually eat without any issues. Between surgery and my fill I only had one episode with a breakfast buritto. After my first fill (1.5) I had decent restriction for about 2 weeks. In total I have lost 16 pounds, which is less than I hoped for but still moving in the right direction. I have been back at the gym for about 3 weeks and that is making a significant difference. I got my 2nd fill yesterday (2.5 of the floro) and they said I didn't have much left from the orginal fill. That certainly explains the lack of restriction. So, I decided to do the Floro b/c the doc said that it stays much longer. I still think the restriction could be better but I am going to give it a few days. I did notice that in the am I was barely able to get my smoothie down. I guess the trick is to figure out the bagic fill amount which is different for everyone.

Well, my goal is still to get to 167. Once I get there we want to think about baby number 2. I am promising myself now that I will NOT gain so much next time around. After baby two my goal will be to get back to 167, and then maybe a TT.

I will say that for the first time in my life I feel like I have a little control over this monster. It's amazing to feel full after a small meal, and I just know this is going to work. Plus, with my dedication to excercize I can't sabotage the work I do at the gym.

I still struggle a little bit on wether or not this was the right thing to do. I have been such a proud advocate of the fat girl my whole life I wonder if I am letting myself down somewhere but then I think maybe this is the lesson I am learning, maybe understanding that it's ok to seek help is the moral of the story. After all when people have drinking or drug obsessions they seek help, counseling, detox, rehab. Fat people are just considered lazy and people think we should just get it together. It's insane. Since I have lost the weight before the right way I can say I have had both experiences. This way I am starting to realize helps balance my efforts and for that I am greatful. I am sure there is more I will learn on the way. At the end of the day I still feel like there is a purpose to me doing this and that eventually there is something I am supposed to share. Time will tell.