Well after a long time of waiting I finally have been able to schedule my surgery. Not because of insurance (I am self pay) but because of waiting til I had the money to pay for it. I thought it would be in March then when that fell through I just knew it would be April, but NOT, so I decided to just sit back and (it will happen when it happens.) So I finally have the money and was so hoping for May which I could have done because the surgeon had three or four days open- however my husband could not take any time of in May. Since I have to small boys I figured I might need a little help after the surgery. He was able to take the week of the 11th of June off, so I got a surgery date for June 14th. Heck, I figure I've waited this long what is another 4 weeks.

I have been doing a lot of reading these past few months and I feel like I know the ups and downs of this type surgery. I have read some very successful stories and some that have benn a little difficult for others. I realize that it is up to me to make this work. There will be hard days as with anything in life, but I think that the good that will come from it will definetly outweigh the bad. I know if you don't chew your food well and very well it can get stuck in your chest or stoma and if you don't eat slow it can cause great uncomfort, and in many cases come back up. I know that I will learn from trial and error. Hopefully only once!! It will be a HUGE change in my life and the way I have been eating the last 40 years of my life. I am READY for that. I am ready to:

1. Not be so darn tired all the time

2. Not sweat all the time

3. Be able to get up off the floor with some kind of grace.

4. Not be horrified the whole time I am standing in line for an amusement park ride fearing I will not be able to fit in the seat:omg:

5.Be able to wear a pair of levi jeans and a t-shirt tucked into my jeans with a belt.

6. Be able to shop in any darn store I want to.

7.Not feel like people are watching me eat and thinking she shouldn't be eating that.

8. Not have to wear stretchy pants ever again!!!(I have lived in them for at least 6 years- can't even remember the last time I wore pants with a button)

9. Not be so out of breathe just from one flight of stairs.

10. Not have to hear from my 4 year olds classmate "YOUR FAT"

11. Not have to hear from my child "YOU HAVE A BIG TUMMY"

12. Not have to hear from my then 5 year old "BECAUSE YOUR TOO FAT"

when I told him no I didn't want to climb through the play area with him which is very narrow and tiny.

13.Be able to do anything with my children and not have to think OH CRAP am I going to be able to do this without embarraassing my children and myself.

14. Put a bathing suit on without the shame.

15.FEEL GOOD in general.

16. Make myself proud

17. Make my family proud!

18. Not have to wear a big ole shirt that will cover my big ole bottom.

19. Be able to sit in a theatre seat comfortably

20. Be able to sit in a reasturant booth and not have to push it towards the other side to give me more room.

21. Not sit in a chair and get stuck and wonder how the heck I am going to get out of it.

I am sure there are many more I will just have to add them as I think of them.

So what I have to do now and until the time I have surgery is have my psyche exam and my pre-op and meeting with the nutritionist. Oh and do my 5 day pre-op liquid diet before the surgery.

I know there are some people who probably think why in the world would you have wls? You can lose weight on your own it's not that hard.You just have to have will power. Well I have will power to lose the weight I just can't seem to keep it off once I do. And it's not like I have only tried once. How about 10 to 15 times. This is a tool that will help me to not only lose down to where I want to be (which I never got to with any of my past diets) to helping me maintain my weight once I get there. I feel pretty certain that once I get to my goal weight I will NEVER want to go back to that misery. I really want this to work and I am going to give it my 110%.I know it seems a bit drastic but I think at this point in my life it is just what I need.

So my journey begins to my new and improved well being:clap2:

My stats as of today: 04/28/07

height 5'9"

weight 280

BMI 41

Best of luck......we'll get through this together! Nicole