I no longer fear death as I have seen hell and survived it. :nervous I started a 10-day pre-op diet on Tuesday and it was hard! You see I am a chef and the accessibility to food and the pretty much unconscious habit of grazing was almost too much to bear. :faint: Also at work there was, on both days now (yesterday and today) the cruellest of menu items that are some of my favourite munchie food in the world. So not only were they available to me, I was also in charge of one of them! So 8 hours of the smell and sight of them resulted in the same amount of time for me to say “no, you can’t! 3.5 times per minute!

I think it may be the forbidden fruit aspect of the food as well. :hungry: I look at the items and think, ‘OH I like that, I should have it for lunch’, then in the back of my head I recall the memory of how it tasted and felt in my mouth and the shear joy of getting it into my bell. (This is a lot more sexual than I realized when I started this) anyway, I then remind myself that “No no, you can’t have that, only the Yoghurt and Cottage cheese, you silly silly man!” making me very disappointed :pout: in the fact that I can’t have it and a touch angry for the same reason. Then I go to the next item on the menu and do it all over again, from memory to disappointment, continuing the cycle until I reach the bottom of the food list, only to start at the top again and act like I’m reading shampoo instruction, do it and repeat, again and again for my whole shift.

Today was a little easier as I drank copious amounts of water while working on my dishes, thus making me (and my bladder) full to the point were I didn’t really want to eat anything. I kind of see why the PTB want me to drink lots; it fills the belly and is good for me too. I find that boredom :bored plays a big factor too. If I am not challenged I find I am grazing, more to give me something to do than anything else. This is not a new thing for me, if it was I wouldn’t need the Band’s help to take and keep the weight off.

All this to say that I have glimpsed my own personal Hell, it is hot, humid, full of temptation and pressure. I have had many devils :evil: for bosses, and will probably have many more, even some devils :devious in the form of coworkers. That is why I no longer fear death, I have seen the other side, it is not nice, but it will be mine to lament in forever-ish. So when I return, the devil will be happy to see me, not to torment me for eternity though…

(He’ll probably offer me a job!:heh: )

Wow you should be a writer. I really enjoy reading your journal. You have a good grasp on life. Good luck in your journey. I will be following your journal.

I am on a rough road....banded for 2 years and cheated myself out of the pure gold i could have had...(weightloss).....i am not working my AZZ off literally...to make life what it needs to be.

Good luck!

Oh my good God, you poor, brave thing. It's bad enough for those of us who are not chefs. You have my undying respect and awe. I salute you.