Well, that was rough. Unlike others I have seen posting their experiences on this site, I did not sail through it.

I am amazed and a little jealous of those people who were up and about with no problems.

I'm not feeling well right now, like I have the flu only with stab wounds. And yes, like some others I am wondering "what the hell did I do to myself?!!"

I am without pain meds as I don't react well to them, so I'm in a lot of pain right now.

We arrived at the hospital and I was shaking with nerves. The weather was damp so my asmtha was kicking in, which worried me. I was coughing a lot and had mucas in my throat.

The nurses were great. The hospital has a great staff. I didn't feel the needles going in for the IV prepping etc. They also gave me a shot of heperin in my stomach, which was so smallI didn't even feel it. But what was weird is I could feel it moving into my body.

As 7:30 came closer I began to get more nervous and it hit my bowels, so I was up to the bathroom a few times.

My boyfriend was then allowed to come stay with me until they wheeled me in and as soon as I saw his face, I started to cry.

The anestesiologist came in and then I really knew "this is it", he was a very serious, direct no nonsense guy, obviously taking it very serious, which is good. He was concerned about my coughing and told me the risks involved if I go under. He said overweight people are at risk already, so with this, you have more risk. They were basically asking me if I wanted to go through with the surgery. I have panic disorder, so you can imagine what I was experiencing.

He listened to my lungs, said they sounded good and that they would give me medicine to dry up the mucas (boy he wasn't kidding) and wheeled me in. As we rolled down the hall I started to panic thinking..."there is still time to back out." ANd tears rolled down my cheeks.

I said "wow" when I saw the OR. It looked state of the art. Big screens, etc. I saw two OR nurses with the masks on at a table putting out all the instruments and they waved to me. I waved back but they saw my face and knew I was really scared. I said to the Anestesilogist "If I do this, I'll be okay, right" He said in a direct manner; "I wouldn't be doing this if I didn't think you'd be okay. You'll be fine."

They got me on the table and started strapping me in. The

anesthesiologist told me he was putting medicine through now and I felt some strong tranqulizer go through. "That's strong stuff". Then he put an oxygen mask over my mouth and told me to breath in deep. Dr. walked in and smiled and I looked at him and said I was so scared. He asked why and I said my asthma was bad and he said"That's why your doing this, so your asmtha and health can get better". I nodded And he took my hand and he said, "We are going to start the anesthesia now, you'll feel burning in your throat. I'll put my finger on your throat so it feels better" SO with one hand he hand his finger on my throat and the other held my hand. I felt the stuff start running through my veins and I looked into the eyes of the the anesthesiologist who looked into mine and then back at Dr. Abkin's. Still holding my hand, his eyes were very kind and they seemed to said "keep looking into my eyes" and that's the last thing I saw.

Then I remember the anesthesiologist voice saying "Your done, Eileen".

Then I remember a post op nurse saying "I need you to breathe Eileen"

Then I remember opening my eyes and seeing myself in recovery and I went out again. I was awakened a few times by the post op nurse telling me I needed to breathe more.

It was hard.

A woman who went in after me with Dr. seemed to recover much faster. She seemed fine. I was still trying to wake up. It took me a long time, and I felt sick. I didn't get released until 4 even though I had been done for awhile because it took me so long. They gave me two doses of anti nausea medicine in recovery because I felt sick. I did gag a few times, but nothing came up.

I felt so badly last night and today that I am thinking if I had a slip or erosion, I don't think I could go through multiple surgeries. I pray to god I am one of the lucky one's who has no issues.

Speaking of praying to God, when left alone for a little bit before surgery, I made my peace with God. You'll think me overly dramatic, but I'll be honest and say due to my history with not doing well with surgery, I thought I might die and was preparing my soul.

I know it sounds melodramatic, but yesterday took a lot of courage for me. I had to dig into my toes to get the courage to do this.Yesterday and the day I put my dog to sleep required the most inner fortitude in my life.

Please allow me to share my banding experience with you. I was banded on Feb 8th. I too had read and seen how easy people have had it so I was expecting the same, you see I have 3 girls, all by c-section and had major back surgery in 2001, so I know surgery and I know pain but I was no prepared for the pain after my banding.

I too was like you, I went in shaking and as soon as I put on the gown started to cry. Thoughts of "am i doing the right thing, am I going to die here on this table, what is something goes wrong" ran through my head the entire time they were getting me ready. My husband was allowed to stay with me until they actually took me back into the surgery room. I wanted to scream " I changed my mind" but I knew I had to risk my life in order to try and save it. I had to be at the hosiptal at 7 am so I was one of the first ones banded that day, know what time I went home, 10pm that night, and the nurses werent sure they should let me go, they called the doctor just to make sure. The doctor told my husband that the surgery went very well but they werent sure why I was in so much pain. I cried several times that day, I told my husband I was sorry if I had known it was going to be like this I wouldnt have had it done. I had told work I would be back in 4 days, I didnt make it back for 10. I wont sit here and tell you the next couple of days will be easy, so they werent for me, I took pain meds for a week every day after my banding. I now have terrible mood swings and have gained 10lbs with no restrication. Would I do it again, ask me in 2 months.

But we both have to know we did this in order to live, not because were vain and want to look good but b/c we want to live. So we take it day by day and support each other, some days are better than others.

Just know your never alone, support and understanding is never more than a click on your keyboard.