Geesh. Okay, so I've been smoking since I was 14. I'm 24 now so that's a good ten years and lord knows I feel the effects of it on my lungs and the rest of my body.

And like the doctors say.. I'm having this surgery to improve my health and quality of life so I should quit smoking before I have the surgery and I want to so bad but for the past 10 years.. these damn things have been the stress reliever of my life and I guess you could say my crutch.

I know I need to give it up but I'm so scared that if I give it up, I'll turn to eating more to overcome my cravings for nicotine and thus gain more weight or I'll get so irritable and miserable that no one around me will be able to stand me.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses?

I started taking my calcium pills today because my bones seem to ache all the time from all this weight and when I had my pretests done at the hospital my bloodwork came back and said I have a vitamin D deficency so I'm hoping this will help somewhat.

And as of right now.. I have 1 month and 1 day left until my surgery and I'm getting so excited but I have to admit, I'm a bit nervous about my job.. well, I just got a job at a distribution center for Dollar General and it requires heavy lifting but I found out the day after I got the job offer that my surgery will be next month and I'm a little scared to tell my supervisor because as of right now, I haven't even started the job yet ( waiting on background check to come back ) so by the time I get in there.. the surgery date will be less than a month away and what if they fire me? Can they fire me for medical leave? Ugh, it's so stressful!!