I never did do a 5-yr anniversary post (which was like 3 months ago, oopsies).

Here is a reply I made to someone's thread about being newly sleeved.  I had alot of fun composing it - despite it going off an a total tangent - and thought it had a five-year-sleeve-anniversary type of feel to it so I'm putting it here!

Am also adding my requisite swim suit shot, but this one is from vacay last month, and its NOT a full body shot, AND I'm half in the water, lol.

 Its too cold around here for me to change into one now and take a pic. Plus I'm lazy.

So i give you: "5+ YEARS IN 1000 WORDS OR LESS":

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Day 0: YES!! I'm alive!

Weeks 1-2: Ouch, this kinda hurts. I detest all food and water! I'm sooo effing tired, im just gonna lay down here and be found in 3 weeks, half-eaten by wild dogs.

Weeks 3-4: Oh wow, I LOVE water! Eating is such a chore. I don't want to do it. I lost HOW MUCH weight?? Whoa, this thing is gonna actually work! LET'S DO THIS! Those dogs will be very disappointed in eating me.

Months 2-4: Am I ever going to eat like a normal person?? It taking me for-EVAH to eat my tiny cup of food. I am sick of people commenting on how I eat. Exercise is so much funner/easier when I'm not so big! Let me sign up for EVERYTHING! I LOVE new clothes! I am losing my hair! Who knew salad is my favourite thing on earth?

Months 5-7: If one more person tells me to stop losing weight or asks if i have a disease I'm going to sic my wild dogs on them. I guess this is life now: eating tiny bits of food all day long...I guess I can do that, small price to pay for looking HAWT and feeling A-MAY-ZING. I wonder if anyone knows how full of myself I really am....

Months 8-10: OMG.I CAN'T POSSIBLY UP MY CALORIES TO MAINTENANCE LEVEL! HOW AM I GOING TO STOP LOSING WEIGHT! I AM GOING TO WITHER AWAY AND DIE!

Month 11: Oh. So THAT's my maintenance calorie level. That's not so hard. I'm not going to die after all. Ok, Ok, I'll just take this ONE cigarette from you, handsome Italian guy in Italy...even though I quit cold turkey 10 years ago...it can't hurt, right?

Month 14: Plastic. Surgery.

Month 15: *cries*

Month 16: Whoa, I'm looking even HAWT-er than before. How is this even possible? I wonder if anyone has ever exploded from being so full of themselves....

Month 17: Why hello carbs, I've missed you. bread, Pasta, Rice, we shall never be parted again! Oh, nice to meet you for the first time COVID! How long are you staying?

Month 18-21: All skinny and plastic-ed up and no where to go. Eff you COVID. I guess I'll just do a little online shopping for stuff to wear when I am finally allowed out of the house. Sure, I'll have that martini for Breakfast. Hey, my hair is back to normal...and its even nicer than before. Go figure.

Years 3-5: Huh. I stayed below goal weight this entire time and I am the picture of satisfactory health...does that make me awesome? I dunno...my closet is bursting with clothes...most of which I've worn maybe once or not at all. How am I still smoking??? It was only supposed to be one cigarette!!! I think I may have developed high-functioning alcoholism? Food intolerances? Who me? Nah, I can eat anything and everything, EXCEPT large amounts of sugar at one time cuz, you know, I may pass out on the couch. I may not eat as much as everyone around me, but I don't want to anyway, so there! But let me cook for you, bake for you, make copious amounts of food for you! And no, i AM NOT finished reading this menu in it's entirety...I'm about to order enough food for 5 people...you better be hungry!

Today I take no medications other than for my acid reflux (which unfortunately came on due to my sleeve surgery). I eat carbs and (small amounts) of Desserts, I drink alcohol. My last physical/labs 6 months ago produced no concerns - other than an abnormal thickening of my uterine lining, but that has since resolved. I have ridiculous amounts of energy, I rarely fight with my husband, I handle stress and annoyance like a grown up. I'm digging life. Oh, and I still look HAWT.

*mic drop*

P.S. i also finally quit smoking 5 months and 14 days ago. yay me! hopefully I don't meet another handsome Italian with an extra cigarette in the future.

Edited to add:

P.P.S. sorry..i meant to just reply about the first few weeks after my sleeve surgery and food progression, but my fingers got a life of their own as I typed out my reply. plus it was kinda fun writing this. I may cut and paste this into a more appropriate thread if I find one

Good Luck! ❤️

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