Howdy to anyone and everyone out there!

I have my own personal blog that I could post these fun things into, but right now, I like the anonymity that I have here from friends and family. While the vast majority of those I want to know, know( I do not plan on keeping it a secret for long after I have the surgery), there are things that I'd rather not put out just yet for all of my social media. Also, I ramble...a lot, just as warning. I hope to one day post all of the posts on my more public blog hopefully to help those that have questions or doubts about the surgery and what kind of process to expect(mentally, physically, spiritually and insurance-ly(?)).

Case in point: most of today's post revolves around the steps I have thus far completed towards the insurance requirements. 1) I have completed my first supervised weigh in visit(or whatever it is called) and had gained a staggering 7 pounds since my consult with my surgeon. Holy balls. I refer to them as my 'pandemic pounds' and I vowed that every visit I had there on (with my pcp or other provider) I would not be heavier than my last visit...guys, that 7lbs put me at 347...my HIGHEST EVER WEIGHT. I was mortified. My highest before I had been at was a measly 320- and I'd been at that weight for YEARS. I digress. I got back onto the count-every-calorie-and-log-it train and I have slowly lost around 5-6 of those pounds. Which brings me to another point, if I count every.single.calorie.ever I will usually lose the weight, stop once or twice and get out of the habit of not tracking and BAM! all that weight back plus more. Ugh. I have upped my protein and water intakes drastically and I most admit, protein keeps me from being hungry and thinking about food all the damn time and I look forward to having the surgery that will go hand in hand with that as well as making it impossible to scarf down 4,000 calories in one sitting---done it, hated myself for it and have really started trying to tune into the brain and stomach signals when I'm full to stop and when I want the world to burn, to PUT DOWN THE ICE CREAM AMANDA and take a breather....it's a learning process, and while I'd LOVE to be able to get surgery tomorrow, I am happy for the 7 months of putting into place coping mechanisms as well as upping exercise(and by that, I mean finding things I like besides the long hikes I do in the winter).

Step number 2: I have completed the psych evaluation, it was a 15 minute chat with a psychologist on Zoom or whatever telehealth platform they were using and then a 300 questionnaire  that I have issues with--I hate the stupid things with vague, sometimes true and sometimes not true statements that you have to say you agree or disagree with. My paper says that the visit was supposed to also potentially discuss the results, but the guy told me once I'd turned them in he would write a report that goes to whoever needs it. I would like to know my results...guess I will call the bariatric department and make sure I'm not doing all this only to be denied in 6 months because of my evaluation-if that's the case, I've already decided I would find a place like Blossom or maybe Mexico to self pay. I digress.

Step 3) Had to do a sleep study, had the consult with a nurse practitioner who decided since I have no major ongoing issues I could complete a home sleep study. Guys, it pretty much sucked balls(see pictures).

Got that done, turned it back in and Thursday I have the results visit(I wish they could just tell me if I have sleep apnea or not--I will be kind of surprised if I do) AND weigh in #2 with my PCP! BTW guys, I can't stress this enough, if you don't have a PCP that you enjoy going to see and that will root for you, get you a different one. My PCP supports my decision to pursue bariatric surgery and I enjoy our conversations we have had thus far. Will be even happier if Thursday I am down a good 10ish pounds or so.

Last item of business, I went to Michael's this past weekend (it was glorious!) and found this sweet box that I have come to refer to as my "You Got This!" box. My book with all my surgery info is in it, I also plan to write myself notes and put inspirational pictures in it(things I want to wear, places to go, things to do etc) to look through when all I really wanna do is eat 5 pounds of chocolate. I attached a picture if anyone is curious, I like having things like that.

I should probably call it a night, it's already after 11pm and I have to be up for work here around 5am.
Look for more of these hot mess blogs, they make me feel good putting it all (well, most) out there.

-Amanda