Hi - I'm Kel.  I'm 47.  I'm happily married with 4 children age 14 to 22.  I've been heavy my entire life, and I've always hated it.  In my late 30's, I lost about 25 lbs. on Weight Watchers in preparation for attending a beach wedding.  That was a 10% body weight loss - from 225 lbs. to 225.  I was ecstatic!  I never thought those 25 pounds could make THAT much of a difference in my life, but they did.  I was in a dead-end marriage at the time.  My weight loss didn't do a thing to change that, but it wound up being the catalyst on a lot of life changes.

About 2 years after the initial weight loss, I got a long-awaited tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery.  WOW did I feel great after that!  And still - hubby didn't notice me.  Turns out my husband was gay (although he didn't admit that until later).  So the weight loss didn't do anything to increase his attraction to me, but did exactly that for random men in public.  It made me feel that maybe - just maybe..... I wasn't going to be all alone if I called it quits on my marriage.  Maybe this wasn't the best man I was capable of landing.  I no longer felt resigned to unhappiness - I saw hope on the horizon.

While I didn't keep all the weight off, my confidence had learned to sustain itself.  After we separated I began dating again.  I grew up in the 80's - when Christy Brinkley's body was the ultimate; slender, tiny butt, long and lean.  But now, I was being let out into the dating pool as Kim Kardiashian's ass broke the internet.  As Nicki Minaj and Demi Lovato seemed to have a competition going for most curvy.  Curvy women were being embraced in the media, and men were embracing their bodies with their hands.  I'd hit my stride at 40!  And the men I dated at that time had were weathered enough to have learned that looks aren't everything.  They now valued personality, conversation, femininity, and a myriad of and other qualities that I possessed in spades.  I was on top of the world!

I met my now husband during this time period.  I was closer to my original 250 I'd been, but still confident.  We fell in love quickly and married within a year and a half.  It's been over four years now, and we're happier every day.  But my weight has slowly crept up.  He's a larger man, and we enjoy eating as a form of entertainment.  We aren't healthy eaters.  He still treats me as though I am as beautiful as the day we met, despite the fact that I've gained over 60 pounds since then.  I am now at just why of 320 lbs.  I feel loved and cherished, and even beautiful to him.  But I don't like the way I look, and I like even less how I feel.  I hate that I get winded walking up a flight of stairs.  My knees (one of which has already been replaced) and ankles are killing me after a long day.  I often have to stay in the car if we're running tons of errands at once.  I have to heft myself up off the couch with great effort.  The arms of chairs often dig into my thighs when out and about.  I'm just tired of it all.  I want to feel great and have energy.  I want to move freely.  I want to stop hiking my damned pants up all the time because the waist is all stretched out after a few hours from my gut.  I want my fat rolls to STOP TOUCHING EACH OTHER.  I want to see a photo of myself and not cringe because I don't recognize that person.  And I want to wear clothes that flatter me and make me feel confident rather than being worn mostly to cover up my biggest flaws.

There are million more reasons to lose the weight - too many to list here.  But I'm DONE with being this person.  I'm done with every New Year's resolution list starting with "Lose weight".  I'm done with feeling defeated in this area.  I'm done with accepting my fate in this area.  I'm ready for change.