So, today I changed my goal weight to 10 lbs higher than it was before. But ,I honestly don't know what my goal weight should be. If I base it off the BMI scale it should be between 125lbs and 140lbs based on my height and frame. The lowest recorded weight in my adult years after losing weight from being over 200lbs was 168lbs. I was still very overweight, people who weren't use to me being thin thought I was skinny- but I wasn't. I was just smaller than what they were use to seeing on me. I added the 10lbs because 125lbs I realize is my fantasy weight and I'm only thinking of it without the added weight of the muscle I want to eventually build. So maybe 135lbs is a good weight for me to look and feel how I want? 

   Ok, so here is what I am going for: I don't want to be fat. I want to be light and unbothered by possibly being overweight if I gain 10lbs. I don't want to be on the high end of my weight scale. I prefer to be on the lower end. I'm not looking to be boobalicious, bootylicious, or anything. I will lift weights and stair master the hell out of my body to get the muscular fit look I want. I also do not want to be sickly looking.

As of now I don't even know how to count my success at my surgery. I am 22 days post op and down almost 20lbs... almost. I was 219.8 on the day of surgery and as of today on a (hopefully accurate) Sunbeam analog home scale I weighed 201.5lbs. I don't know if I am properly doing my puree stage. I eat mozzarella string cheese rolled up with prosciutto because it makes me feel better. I wasn't feeling good at all with just broths and soups. So I think I might've advanced myself. My surgeon said it was okay and everyone is different so I don't know why I keep comparing myself to others. I think its because I feel I'm overeating. Although I'm counting my protein, calories, etc on Myfitnesspal;  I barely reach 1000 calories in a day, but I'm so used to feeling stuffed by overeating and thats how it feels when I stuff my pouch with protein and or water. I haven't figured out my pouch ounce gauge and I tend to drink liquids to excess, as if I can. Ugh....I need work on this- I know. Portion size estimation is my weakness and I now know this. I have to now measure everything, but I keep forgetting when taking up my food. Thankfully I have a follow up NUT appointment soon to discuss these issues I'm having regarding portion size. I will also discuss goal weight with my surgeon or nurse practitioner so I can have a semi clearly defined goal for myself. This is more soul searching than I thought it would be. Thank goodness I have a bariatric therapist to discuss these things with too. 

So now I'm curious to know,  what is your goal weight and how did you come by that number?

How did you figure out your push gauge in the first month? Did it feel like you were overeating although you were barely eating anything?

I really do hope someone reads this and chimes in, because this is something I'm curious about.

Till then....