Sooo, I've never been a thin adult. I've been a thin child. I've even lost weight as an adult from working out five days a week and barely eating; and was still considered 40 pounds overweight according to my doctor at the time. Such a let down, because I lost 51 lbs and instead of a congratulations based on my chart comparisons of weight change; I received a "Wow, you're very overweight. You need to lose 40 lbs". Suffice it to say I didn't lose much after that, and not on purpose. I just kept fluctuating up and down until I just started fluctuating steadily in the wrong direction. 

  Although I haven't gotten the surgery yet, because i'm still finalizing the documents for  insurance approval. God willing,  I'm expecting a surgery date in July. I wrote this blog post to put a particular question out in the universe. People are known (such as bodybuilders) for shaping their bodies into whatever they choose.  However, if you've never been a normal weight adult and are losing weight; how can you determine what your natural shape is? I want to help guide myself to have a fit life and a fit body, but am a little afraid that I'll be disappointed with my natural body shape. Suffice it to say my round shape is not any better.  I always had an idea of what I thought I would look like if I never gained weight. For instance I would imagine my shape would be similar to Shinghai Shoniwa of the Noisettes: 

This all could be wishful thinking. It could be all part of my vision of an ideal. In truth I may not even have her frame. I have no idea....not a clue. I post these imaginings because I want to know if it's possible to shape your body into what you want truly want or think you should look like? Now to make a disclaimer:  I know some people may question the motivations behind this question. I need you to know that I'm looking to be healthy definitely, but I also want to be fit. I'm not looking to be just a thin person. I'm using this surgery as a tool to start an actual fit life and to actually achieve that goal. So as a writer and an artist I use visual cues to help me see my ultimate goal. I've been struggling for some time to maintain a lower weight, and I never snub exercise. So, like a kid contemplating on an imagined trip to Disney World; I can't help but calculate how to achieve what I see as my true fit self. I've never been at my ideal weight based on my height and frame - ever. Not even as a teenager. So when I see an image of someone I think I may be similar to in height and frame, my artist brain can't help but dream. 

Do you have an image of what you think you should look like or think your shape is like?