So here's the thing...I've never done a blog before, but I figured it would be one of the many coping skills I could utilize on this journey I'm on, plus, I know it's helped me to see how other people have felt throughout their journey. So, I'm a little late in terms of starting the blog, since I'm about a week and a half away from surgery.

I think the thing that was a tipping point for me in regards to finally making a decision to look into surgery was the fact that more then twice in a month, someone had come up to me and congratulated me on being pregnant and asking me when I was due. This was not only hurtful, but it kept me from going out. I knew I was overweight, I knew that I wasn't in shape. I think sometimes the people around me worried that I was depressed, and to be honest I probably was a little depressed. My wonderful fiancee always told me how beautiful I was, but told me he also wanted me to be healthy. He was always there when someone pointed out how heavy I was, or asked me if I was pregnant. He has absolutely been a rock for me through this journey when I made the decision to go ahead and pursue the gastric bypass. My family has celebrated every little milestone of this journey with me, and we are all anxious to get to the actual surgery day!

There have been some really amazing moments in this journey so far , and some really difficult, depressing, cry into my pillow days . I'll never forget quitting smoking. I am so proud of myself that I had the strength to do this. My fiancee and I are planning on starting a family after we get married in 2017 (one of the contributing factors to me losing weight was wanting to be healthy enough to have kids and be there for them and my fiancee) and this was a key factor in that. I actually surprised myself at my surgical consult because when Dr. Moazzez told me I had to quit smoking I just burst out and said, this surgery is more important to me then cigarettes are! I didn't even know where that burst of inner strength came from, but it almost made me laugh that I had such strong conviction to quit smoking.

I think some of the more frustrating things I've had to deal with have been the amount of time it has taken to even get close to surgery day! My insurance required me to do 6 months of medically managed weight loss, and then the surgeon also gave me some requirements as well. It has now been close to 8 months, so almost a year and I'm just getting to the surgery day soon ! Of course quitting smoking was hard, and now the liquid diet is the worst! Its hard to go from eating 4 dollar menu sandwiches to one protein shake, and thats supposed to be a meal replacement...Trust me, so far, I have not felt like Ive had meals replaced, I almost feel like I have had the milkshake that should go with my meal, but then there's no meal to compliment it! My fiancee has been super helpful by not eating in the house or around me, although I know that at some point someone will eat something in front of me, and I will probably start drooling ....I will tell you what, they definitely don't make it easy....

The long process has made me realize that this surgery is not going to be a piece of cake. It's made me work harder then I have ever worked before on making changes in my life. I'm the type of person who definitely goes hard or goes home. Hopefully at this point, If I can survive the liquid diet, I will be making a couple more posts before surgery