Hello New World!!!

After years of yo-yo dieting, seemingly endless "gaining and losing" cycles, feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, and low energy, I have officially decided to step in the direction of a surgery "tool" and becoming a "sleever". During my OMG, am I really doing this thinking chair moments, the following questions and thoughts pop up:

• Am I taking a short cut?
  
• Will my personality change?
  
• Will there be any complications?
  

And the all important...

• Will I be able to handle it and be successful?
  

Now, before anyone gets too excited with their answers, I think a short back story is warranted (in relation to the questions that filter through my mind)...

Am I taking a short cut? As a teenager, I was told not to give up. That quitting anything was negative and you have to work to achieve whatever is worth achieving. Once I hit my pre-teen years, I started gaining weight (but not at the age of 14, that's when I had a growth spurt and seemed to thin out, and never learned how to eat properly). So setting goals was like being on the fence about knowing whether the glass was half empty or half full. That part may not make sense to anyone, but it sounded right in my head.

Will my personality change? I've always warn the hat of "the quiet observer" . I'm not loud, I don't wear flashy (or in-and-up-to-date fashion) clothing, and I'm a hermit (being home to me is like eating steak and mashed potatoes... comforting). I've watched and wondered, could I ever wear the "fun" hat? Could I entertain and participate in group get-togethers where the attention will be on me for more than 5 seconds? Could I handle people looking at me and not delve into those thoughts of, "Are they looking at how round I am?" If I could get to a point of not giving a sh*t and loving me because, let's face it, I'm friggen' awesome (currently working on that self-esteem after being told years ago that I wasn't good/thin enough, I don't want to wear the "victim" hat anymore ), I would be able to relax and join the party.

Will there be any complications? I know that complications are ALWAYS a possibility, but I've been in the hospital multiple times for multiple reasons. Hospitals freak me out. That's normal, right?

Will I be able to handle it and be successful? As an adult, I typically start something, but then have a difficult time following through (why I'm like this now, I have no idea). Where I am located, there's a 6 month pre-op process. I also have support from everyone who matters to me. But I am aware that it all boils down to me, and the strength of my will. I suppose this is where the phrase, "One day at a time" kicks in. So that's what I'm doing... talking to myself (literally).

So with all that said, I know I can do this. I CAN.