Today I had my third fill since my surgery on May 8th. I have now got about 6.1 ml/cc in the band.

The fill was painful!! The nurse was stuck the needle in and was moving the needle inside of me to find the port opening. She told me to push my body like I was doing a push up and I had to hold that position for 5 min to keep the port still. OMG it was painful!! I asked for a break because it was starting to hurt really bad where she had the needle.

By then the doctor noticed that something was wrong and came to me. He took a new needle and stuck it in (omg it hurt because I was so sore) and found the port after like 30 sec.

He then told me that the port is lying with the opening at the side. Ok sorry for the language but F*** that S*** sorry, but it hurt, really hurt. And now I'm really sore and have a blue mark.

I kept thinking, where is that X-ray machine some doctors use when making that fill! Seriously ugh. I like my doctor but I don't like pain. I'm gonna remember this next time and tell them that the port is sideways. I might even opt for an operation to fix it. But let's see what happens.

Anyway, I'm slightly under the curve for the weight loss. I'm 31 pounds down since May 8th. Trust me, I'm happy! really happy. I haven't had this weight for YEARS! but I'm disappointed in myself for not staying on the curve. But my doctor and I blame it on my trip to Spain where I didn't stay on a health diet.

I'm going to prove to myself that I can be on the curve in the beginning of December. He said I'd be there in January but I'm putting some pressure on myself now.

I admit that the two weeks since I went on the vacation have been really difficult mentally. I was so sick on the vacation and soon after I got home, I was laying in bed for 3 days. My throat hurt really bad and well ice cream helped a LOT. Felt like when I had my tonsils removed. And trust me, ice cream does not help with weight loss haha.

Don't judge though and think I'm not ready for this battle. I had a relapse. I did loose weight through this period, just not enough weight.

I am now on the straight and narrow and back on track. I think you learn from a relapse. Being sick isn't a good thing and you seek things that make you feel good.

I have been mentally ill as well a few years back. People were either getting sick or dying around me. I took it hard and had depression. I gained a LOT of weight. But I have learned from that experience. I know the warning signs. Food will not be my friend like that again.

Now I have learned about physical illness and food can't be my friend there either. I will not allow it.

Weight loss is a battle. You might think you have it all, you had a surgery, you are mentally ready for this, physically ready but what makes you stronger is if you can stand up again when you fall down. That will make you stronger in this weight loss battle.

But 31 pound is something to be proud of and I'm going to remember all the milestones and reach for the next one. I can't wait!