I think I'll always be fat.

I'm actually okay with that.

I was near 500lbs when I started this journey. My physical ability was nearly non-existent. Had I not had my sleeve, I would probably need motorized cars at stores at this point.

I've lost over 150lbs. My lowest weight was 317 at 2 years post op, and then.... I got pregnant!

See, life changed completely after my sleeve.

I had been perpetually single for 5+ years during the prime of my life - late 20s - early 30s. I got sleeved, after months of depression thinking my life would never be what I wanted if I didn't lose weight. I wanted a good man. I wanted children. I had no confidence in myself that I could have that because I was fat. I see now how really sad that is, and how hard I was on myself.

So, I started dating (a LOT, embarrassing to think about, actually) and eventually got set up on a blind date with G and the rest... is history. Except that his past is complicated and not quite in his past completely - and now we live together, have 50/50 custody of his 7 year old daughter and I JUST HAD MY FIRST BABY in May. More on that, later. It's really quite incredible how life has changed!

My body is a wreck. I already had loose skin so I didn't even look pregnant during my pregnancy... not even THE DAY I gave birth to a 9 lb baby boy! But I reread my entry from right after surgery and the same has held true - I'm so amazed and impressed with what my body can do. I survived being severely obese, I survived high blood pressure, surgery, gestating a baby, having a c-section - and I feel great (for a 35 year old FTM of a newborn).

I'm still working on turning over a leaf I started turning when I had surgery. Nearly 2 1/2 years have gone by and I still have a long way to go if I ever want to be on that "Overweight" BMI category. But I don't care. I'm working on losing weight after having a baby with the same attitude as post-op. I want my life to be better. Now my goal is a little different: I want to be the best mom and play with my baby. *who just woke up!*

No one is perfect. Some bodies are bigger than others. I'm okay with being the best I can be, whatever that may be.

Back on the ride to get my body moving again! Pregnancy is hard, but that's no longer an excuse. My baby is going to have me running after him soon enough, I'd better prepare for that! Let's see just how far I can go for my son.