It has only been four weeks and one day since I rolled up in the East Texas hospital to have the surgery that would forever change my life. In only four weeks I have gained the strength and power to change my eating habits and start a new healthier lifestyle for myself. I look back at just the short four weeks and smile gatefully at my success. I finally found the help I have been needing to set me apart from that woman who would look in the mirror and cry at every failed diet attempt. The yo-yo diets, the slim fast, the good ole' phen-phen diet, the starving diet, and just three months ago it was any new weight loss pill on the market. I started this certain blog over a week ago and put it in my drafts because I was short on time and today I have decided to continue ... I didn't finish simply because I took time away to go with my daughter to tour yet another college and spend quality time with her! Since then things have gone up and down. I don't know what phase I am going through but it seems to be the part where I feel fear of my decision. WOW that was really hard to type. I am five weeks post op today and have still made progress but that part of me that says ... "this is for the rest of your life" keeps creeping in. I am not having buyers remorse yet I think I am battling my food addiction. I also fear (a little ahead of time) the saggy mom syndrome! I see my body starting to change now and it is changing drastically. I have been here before but it's different now. When I would get to this point pre surgery I would think I accomplished some mission and fall of the health kick and gain back what I lost and then some. I know this is not a possibility today and reality says, you are going to keep going. This is what I want, but I am battling my mind, because my addict wants to give in and give up. Well, as I sit here and type this I am reminding myself of all the reasons I had this surgery and I feel I am defeating that little food addict that keeps me stuck. I do not have the ability to fall back into my old habits and I will win this one this time! I feel sure this will not be the only time I battle this but I will WIN!! I am still motivated to live an active and healthy lifestyle from here on out, I just want anyone that is reading this to know that this is life... one we chose to live and the great part of this is I can not fail this time. I will proceed with my positive motivation and look back at this blog one day as just another mountain I had to climb! Truth is ... This is life ... and this is one I chose to help me beat my addiction with food. The mind is a hard muscle to remold but I am working on it daily ... one day at a time. Some days it is one hour at a time, but ... I GOT THIS!!

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