It feels weird being back here again. Last time I was here I was post-op. Desperately reading every scrap of info I could get on WLS. It feels crazy to say it has been 5 months since I had my surgery. It feels like just yesterday that I was on the top floor of a hospital looking out the window at the world and daydreaming about how I was going to conquer it. Since that time, I have accomplished so much. I've finished my first semester of college, dropped around 80lbs and 6 pants sizes, made new friends, straightened my hair, and next Monday I am fulfilling one of my long-time dreams to visit California (San Diego to be exact).

I feel like so much is now possible for me. I feel like I can date if I want to and find a decent guy, I can sign up for a 5k and know I'll do fine. I can be exactly who I want and say what I think without apologizing for it.

At the same time, I'll never stop being a fat girl. That's who am I at heart and it's someone to be proud of. I am different from most people. Now my weight loss is slowing down and I'm currently in a stall it's kind of nerve-wracking I sometimes feel like I'll wake up tomorrow and the scale will read 289 again. That fear always gnaws at the back of my mind. I need to come back here from time to time as to not forget how desperate I was, and how much having the sleeve means to me. It's truly a blessing, a lifesaver, but it can't walk for me it's only a crutch. I still need to take the steps, especially now so that self-control has become part of the equation again 5 months out.