My Journey 9/12/14

Next week it will have been a year – I was banded 9/19/13 but my journey didn’t start there… It was a long time coming that wake up moment when you realize nothing is going to change without some effort and commitment on your part to make it change. There wasn’t really any one ah ha moment but rather a number of smaller nudges that pushed me in the right direction... March of 2013 saw me at around 240 250lbs getting on a plane for work and later to see family… seat belt didn’t close very easily.. It shut but the flight was miserable. Then for the first time I was bigger in size then my brother we had always been similar in build – but he had managed to slim back down to the weight of his youth while I seemed set on tripling mine.

Pictures that spring where posted on Facebook I couldn’t figure out who that woman was looking back. I wasn’t willing to acknowledge it was me. I was horrified, OMG, did I really look that bad. I normally shied away from the pictures oh there are one’s here and there over the years when I decided I had lost enough that I could be captured forever frozen the way I was…

May brought my annual health check – not so good… another year of doing what I was doing and I’d be looking a medication for all sorts of things – blood pressure – cholesterol – diabetes things need to change…

June rolled round and I got on the scale… 269.. It would get worse from there before it got better but seeing those numbers 269 literally took my breath away. I had been thinking on lap band for a while. I had listened to the commercials and gone on line to research but that day I made the call and scheduled my evaluation meeting knowing my insurance would cover the surgery if I decided to move forward. Right there during the meeting I went on and had my diagnostics done to see if I was healthy enough for surgery.

On the day my primary care Dr signed a letter saying it was medically necessary for me to have this surgery my weight had bloomed to 282. It seemed that I had managed to rationalize that as I was going to have this surgery I could spend the last few weeks before indulging any way I wanted. My Dr. tried to talk me in to alternate surgery’s apparently not really a believer in the band. I told him it didn’t matter what he thought I was the one doing it.

It took 3 wks to get approved during this time I decided that I needed to start living as if I was banded. I got the call on sep 3^rd saying it was a yes and did I want to schedule the surgery for the following week. I panicked so it was pushed to the 19^th to give my self-time to adjust it had all of a sudden become very real for me.

The morning of the surgery I was a wreck imaging everything possible – said goodbye to my girls like I didn’t expect to see them again. I very nearly left the surgery office after getting there I was why do I need this surgery I can do it myself. But in reality I knew that I couldn’t although I had weighed myself that morning and it was 272 the first sizable drop in weight I had in years I wasn’t sure if I could keep it going by myself.

Surgery went well recovery was – text book. All the right complaints thought I was dying from the gas but I survived and moved past it all.

Every day since I have taken one day at a time, the fight has gone I no longer fight with the urge to eat enough for a family of 3. I still eat what I want but can now stop and actually put food down when I realize I don’t need it. I’m full I’m satisfied. Being satisfied is key – it isnt’ really healthy to eat until feeling full – to eat until satisfied is the point – it has taken me the best part of a year to truly understand. I’ve had many adjustments to my band even getting to the point it was too full. Spending my time in the bathroom because every meal was a fight just wasn’t the way I wanted to live not to mention the health risks. So I had it adjusted and removed some of the fluid. BEST decision ever.. After the first one off course of actually getting the band.

Weight loss for the most part has been good. This morning I weigh 211.4 OMG… I don’t recall the last time I weighed this little. I still have a ways to go but i have a handle on it I know I will get there it will just take time. And now because I’m a much healthier time is something I have again. There have been many small victories this past year, wearing smaller clothes, fitting and being comfortable on an international flight, to curling up on the sofa with your legs tucked under – to even taking control even further and attending the circuit training class that I have wanted to do so all year. It’s brutal but I can do it is the point.

There have been times if I’m honest where I have questioned what I have done, why am I not the size 12 I so want to be. I’m a 16 every one has self-doubts. I usually come here and post when one of those black clouds are hovering – this site and the wonderful members have been my foundation for success without them I’m not sure what I would be like.. YOU GUYS ROCK!!

I’m hoping that by sharing someone who is on the fence about WLS whether it is the band, bypass or sleeve just know that there are many many of you out there with the same questions concerns.

I’ve recently pledged to be a voice/representative for True Results where I had my surgery done. Yea you can look at it that it’s free advertisement for them if folks like me go out and share our journey but I look at it like this. If I can help change just one person’s life by sharing my experience than why not. I wish someone would have found me earlier in my journey – having someone to share it with that understands what you are going through makes such a difference.

So if you’re in the phoenix area or even if you’re not and are considering weight loss surgery (WLS) and want to chat feel free to message me. If nothing else it is always great to talk and meet new people.

To our journeys may they end where we want them to and may there be joy and laughter along the way.