Hi, I am Lizzie and I'm 56 years old.

At present, I am waiting...waiting...waiting for my Surgeon's appointment on 2 October to discuss Gastric Sleeve Surgery.

I am hoping that he will see and understand my frustration and hopelessness over my long term battle with my still increasing weight. It has really started to affect me much more physically now and in many other ways too private for discussion here at present.

I was not overweight as a child, my weight was gained after each of my three pregnancies; followed by emotional & stress eating; many episodes of depression and medication and lack of exercise. I can't list how many "diets" I've been on over those 34 years, there is not enough room here. I have been successful a few times in this period in reducing my weight, but after time it was always regained and then some.

A turning point came in my life back in 2003, after I had a "lightbulb moment" after watching Dr Phil McGraw on an Oprah show episode.

I don't know how it happened to this day, but on that day something switched in my brain and I just knew what I had to do.

It was something special and it's never happened to me again, so who knows, maybe it was divine. I rejoined Weightwatchers yet again, (my height being 172cm (5'8") weighing in at 112.8kg (249lbs) and reaching my goal weight of 73kg (160lbs) in 11 months. I lost another 5kg slowly after that, maintaining at around 149lbs. It was the most successful I've ever been at anything. I stationary-cycled twice a day for only 10 mins at the start because I couldn't walk because of foot & heel pain, then a few months later, a very much lighter me took up walking every day for 30-45mins.

My bubble burst in 2007 when I was diagnosed with early breast cancer. After two surgeries and 6 weeks of radiotherapy, the stress changed me and again I suffered Depression. Medication, lethergy and overeating contributed to my slow weight gain over the next few years and while I improved for a while and took up walking again, I could not get rid of the weight. A couple of years ago I weighed 106kg (234lbs) and now I weigh 121kg (267lbs). I can't walk far because of foot & heel pain and a sore back. I've had enough! ENOUGH! I've tried and tried and TRIED!!!

I consider myself a smart person. I've been to dieticians, psychologists, a psychotherapist, joined gyms, read books, tried medications, healthy eating, shakes and all the rest!! This weight is killing me emotionally and I need a way out before it does kill me in every sense. My growing bitterness, hopelessness and isolation is affecting my relationships. I have two young granddaughters who I cannot play with properly. I can hardly put my socks on or get up off the floor. I'm 56 not 86!!! My self-esteem is at an all time low at present. I feel so "less than" - no positive thinking can fix me now. I am desperate...desperate enough to now finally consider gastric surgery...some of my friends and family would just scoff if they knew, but they CANNOT know how much pain I am in, so I've realised (once again) in my life - the only person that can rescue me...is me!...and I'm going to DO it!!! I am just so tired of running, tired of pretending, tired of putting up with it and tired of ignoring my needs.

I know this surgery is only a "tool" but a powerful one and I need to get back Power and take Control of my life.

I want to feel good about myself and to just feel "normal". I want to be healthy. I want to walk again and get fit again.

I want better relationships with the people in my life and I want to travel - be able to walk & climb & explore.

I want to "participate" in life and not just stand on the sidelines and I want to play with my grandchildren

and see them grow up. Is this too much????????????

I hope my experience helps someone here because reading about other's success after surgery, is giving me my hope back.

Thank you!

Lizzie