Friday I meet with an Endo, finally. I will be going to Seattle this week, and I have the appointment with my husband's Endo. (Husband is diabetic, and this is his doc)

I tried to make an appointment with the Endocrine Clinic at the UW, but they wouldn't even talk to me without a referral from another Endo and a wad of test results. My Aunt wanted me to go there right off, but they wouldn't even talk to me.

I'm sitting here in near tears because I'm so jumbled up I don't even know what my feeling are, but none of them are happy and light. My husband doesn't totally understand why I'm in a panic, because he comes from a medical family. He and his sisters feel that since I haven't been officially diagnosed, then there is no point in worrying about anything. Since no tests have been run, what's the problem?

I know that part of my grief comes from my past history with doctors not taking me seriously, until something really serious has happened. I had kidney stones, and they sent me home because I "just had a back ache" When I brought in the stones they at least had the good grace to be shocked. And that is just one of many examples of doctors not believing there was something actually wrong. When I had a collapsed lung, the pulminologist told me my only problem was that I was fat. I had an oxygen saturation on room air of 82, but because I was fat, not because my lung was stuck to itself. Like I said, doctors don’t’ take fat women seriously, that or they just don’t take me seriously.

I’m afraid that this new doctor will just see a fat woman and just tell me to lose weight. It’s not like I haven’t tried to lose weight, I mean crap, I had the Lap Band put in last year, and since the end of March, I’ve managed to lose 15 pounds net. Yes, I am very, very glad I was banded, but it’s been hard watching people lose 100 pounds who started with a similar BMI. I spent a month at about 700 calories and managed to lose 1.5 pounds in a month. Of course, when I went back to 1000 calories, I gained 10 pounds in a week. I’ve managed to lose 5 of those pounds.

I’m scared that they won’t find anything wrong with me, that I’m just another head case. I’m afraid that once again I’ll be told to tough it out.

Hi! I've been reading your journal. It's very interesting. I haven't been though the exact same problems but I really feel for you. I have fought and fought with doctors the last 10 years and they have no respect. I'm tired of begin handed one medicine after another without any care for what is causing the symptons. I've dieted and dieted and all I get is blank stares from the doctor that I must not be doing them right because if I was they would work. I've pee'd in my pants for the last three years and they said "You're fine just try this medicine" I say "BUT WAIT -I'm young do I have to take it the rest of my life? What's the problem?

They just don't know. My mom can't control her diabetes and they don't know why... they say just "Eat Better and try some more medicine"

Needless to say I'm so flustrated. I have lost a few pounds since surgery so maybe I won't be a slow loser this time but I read your story and know in my heart how hard you must be struggling. I wish you the best of luck and that they find a solution to the cushing and take you seriously. That's the part I really understand is that feeling of them not taking me seriously.

Sorry about the rambling above but after I read your most recent journal entry I was so overwhelmed with things I wanted to say and had a hard time forming a complete thought.