I wasn't going to go here.

I really wasn't.

But I can't seem to shake it and when I can't shake something I usually have to write it out.

I know that everyone will have opinions of weight loss surgery and I'm finding out that I really don't want to hear it. I know that I've failed in the past, I know that surgery can be dangerous, I know that life is going to change considerably for me, and I know that it's a completely different life than the life that I've led. I also know that most of the people who are concerned are coming from a loving place, no matter what the conversation makes me feel like when it's happening.

But if it's one thing that I've noticed it's that the most challenging conversation and the biggest naysayers are my friends that are overweight... and it' hurts.

I've tried to place myself in their shoes. I remember when I knew nothing of weight loss surgery and I considered it to be a "cop out." I even thought it was the "easy way out." One thing I never thought was that it was an opinion that I would share with someone who was having the surgery! Now that I've spent the last year reading everything I can, working on my food addiction, and learning about the procedure I understand just how wrong I was... but at least I was wrong to myself.

In the meeting with my nutritionist the other day we were talking about what's been the hardest thing for me at this time and it was (overwhelmingly) dealing with the people who have negative opinions about this. As I was speaking the images of the people I was talking about kept running through my mind and I noticed the theme. They were all of my friend's that are overweight/obese.

Of all of my friend's I'm quite possibly the biggest. Some are close to my 320 lbs but most are hovering around 250. Are they threatened by my potentially weighing less than them in the future? Are they concerned about my passing the "fat torch" to someone else? Will my loss make them feel worse about themselves?

I did Ideal Protein last year and I lost 75 lbs and I had to go over in my mind how our relationships were affected by that loss. I guess I was so busy just trying to make it through that I didn't realize how little I saw of them during that time. I think it was self-imposed because I didn't want to subject people to my diet or make them feel badly about eating in front of me. Maybe they thought I became distant as I was losing weight.

Has anyone gone through this?

Were your heavy friends supportive or missing through your process?

How do I maintain friendships but work on my health?