Definitely over-enjoyed my band freedom and regained 17 pounds eating without abandon.

Some problems persist: Pills are still tough to get down. I can eat raw carrots and radishes, but they do get a bit stuck if I'm not careful. Had to give up tomato juice - acid reflux. Have to take an antacid before eating something with tomato sauce or anything remotely greasy - surprise! turkey bacon is a bit too fatty for me. Still feel banded when I eat with a bra on

The weight gain gave me that out-of-control feeling and I started considering the gastric sleeve or the full bypass until it dawned on me that neither restricts your eating persay. It might take you longer to get it down and you might end up vomiting or dumping, but if you're an emotional and/or binge eater, you're likely to press on. Actually started missing my band with the thought that at least it kept me from blossoming back to 283. Then I started listening to myself and it sounded like I wasn't taking any responsibility for any of my weight issues, but I still decided I couldn't trust myself.

I mentioned to my husband that I was thinking of going to an informational seminar at a new bariatrics practice which just opened locally with a highly respected surgeon. He said he thought I was, "nuts" but he'd go with me if I really wanted to go down this road again.

Still on the fence when I got a call from an old friend who was aware I'd had the procedure, but not the complications. We got to talking. He begged me not to go through another surgery - he and his wife just lost a good friend who'd gone in for the sleeve and died several days later from a blood clot. Yes, I know, all surgery has risks but it sat in the back of my mind...

About a week later, I had lunch with a new friend who didn't know I'd had the procedure, but was aware of my apparent inability to eat much of anything. When I ordred something besides my usual soup, she mentioned it was good to see me actually eating something. This opened the door and I told her about my band experience. Her response surprised me - she commented that I was "lucky" to have made it!?

Apparently, she has a friend who'd used the same surgeon as I. Her friend also was banded, and ended up in the hospital for over a month with complications. She survived but continues to have troubles. Again, Yes - I know, all surgery has risks but it sat in the back of my mind...

Yesterday sealed the deal. One of my business associates had sleeve surgery about six weeks ago. He seemed to be doing fine. We were schedule to meet yesterday afternoon to discuss a proposal. When he didn't show, I called his office. His assistant told me he'd collapsed at work in severe pain and they had to call 911. I'm still waiting to hear what happened - all I know is he's, "stable".

Maybe it has nothing to do with his sleeve surgery - but is that likely?

That old saying about things happening in threes got me thinking that maybe this is a sign and I should pay attention.

I've decided it's time to parent myself. If I won't feed my nieces and nephews crap, why am I feeding it to myself?

I've begun working through various self-help books on disordered eating. One amusingly but perhaps accurately pointed out that a binge is an adult form of a temper tantrum. I'm scared, angry, not getting my own way. I'm too old to throw myself on the floor kicking and screaming, so what can I do? I'll stuff myself with the kind of food that sooths the child in me - Candy! Ice Cream! Junk Food! until I stuff down the fear, anger or disappointment. Interesting idea.

I've gone back to Weight Watchers and am embracing a more vegan diet. Not a bad idea as a cancer survivor with a family history of heart disease.

I'm finding that by focusing on whole grains, limiting processed food and added sugar plus nixing coffee after 3pm, I'm not feeling bloated and sluggish. With meals in the 300-400 calorie range, I'm able to go about four hours without needing to snack. If I do need a little something, I've got string cheese, carrots, celery, fruit on hand. I don't feel guilty when I eat and I'm not skipping meals so that I get to the point that I'm ravenous and looking for candy and fast food.

Am I a saint? No. Will I slip? Of course. But when I lay the cards out on the table, I realize it's up to me to save my health.

So far, I've lost seven of the gained pounds. I'm taking it one day at a time.