I'm not too sure if anyone reads these blogs, so I'm mostly writing this for my future self. I want something to look back on so that I can see progress and feel like I made the best decision for myself.

Life at almost 200 pounds overweight is not so hot. Everything hurts, all the time, especially my back and my legs. Climbing stairs is a minor torture, and picking things up off the floor is almost beyond me. It's hard to put on my socks. It's hard to clip my toenails. I can't rush out to the store and buy a last-minute outfit for some unexpected event, because even the "fat lady stores" don't stock my size. I have to order things off the internet. Putting on seat belts is hard. Clipping my toenails is hard. I have high cholesterol, fatty liver disease, severe sleep apnea, and borderline diabetes. Walking anywhere is so painful that I've thought about zipping around stores in one of those electric carts, but I'm not yet ready to be "the fat lady on the cart" that people snap pictures of on their cell phones and send to their friends. I've only been this heavy for maybe 7-8 years, and it's already wreaking havoc on my body. God only knows how I'd feel in 10 or 20 years if I didn't do something drastic now. If I'd even be alive in 10-20 years.

I realize surgery is going to hurt. It might hurt a lot, and there's a chance that it'll hurt for a long time. I've read some pretty hair-raising stories on these forums. But being really, really fat hurts too.

If I start to regret the surgery in the future, I hope I look back on this entry and remember.