Jump to content
×
Are you looking for the BariatricPal Store? Go now!
  • entries
    21
  • comments
    48
  • views
    7,874

old habits die hard

NancyintheNorth

1,825 views

*sigh*

 

Not a good day yesterday. I had been invited to a lunch thing with girlfriends and went. I had checked out the menu online in advance and discovered that there was very very little in the way of healthy foods. It turns out it's not a buffet, but you choose food from the menu and for one price they bring as much as you can eat.

 

Suffice to say, I ate. And not well. I ate a piece of beef that threatened to stick but fortunately didn't. I was able to eat a stunning amount of food. To make matters worse, I decided I needed a dessert on the way home. And in my attempt to gobble it down, I had pain like nothing I've felt before in my life.

 

I'm upset because, EVEN AFTER PAIN, I still wanted that 'treat'. Even after feeling sick from eating so much, even after so much pain, I WANTED it and I kept the remainder and ate it very slowly late last night. I'm glad it's gone. Today I am very sore, really sore and need to return to a liquid diet today.

 

How can that be - to want something so bad, that has no nutrition, that I'm willing to hurt myself to eat crap. What does that say about my self esteem? I was banded only two weeks and two days ago. It's disgusting.and I'm hell bent on getting to the reason why that was acceptable previous to surgery and still is.

 

I'm pleased that I'm at least aware of this, and I know that this is an issue, but I swear, until I figure out how to unravel it all, it will continue to be a problem for me.

 

More than anything - I'm disappointed. I'd love to say that my upcoming first fill will take care of this, but that's bull*hit*. That doesn't address the why, and that I'm likely to still find a way to eat around the band.

 

I wish myself peace and kindness to myself today.



9 Comments


Recommended Comments

So sorry Nancy, but you are right..It is an old habit. An old habit that we had done for years to comfort ourselves. I am only just about 2 mos out so I have not went back to my old habits, nor do I ever hope to. However, I always did in the past, or I wouldn't have got into the shape I was in. It is human that we take comfort in old habits sometimes.,Forgive yourself and move on. Wishing you peace and happiness today. Keep holding your head high and dwell on your accomplishments, not your downfalls. You will be fine I have no doubt. :)

Share this comment


Link to comment

Don't be so hard on yourself, Nancy. Your "head" wants to eat, not your belly, and you don't have to drag your self-esteem in either, you said it best -- old habits die hard. They do, and sometimes they don't die; they stick around and rear their ugly heads every so often. It may take a little time for you to substitute snacks that you find pleasurable. I know that feeling of wanting to eat, even though you KNOW you can't get anything down, and I've done the slow eating thing as well. I just got an adequate fill last week, so I'm still learning how to eat. It can be frustrating, but I've learned to like Jello and my protein shakes, and I'm learning to eat slowly and to savor what I eat. You will get there too, just be easy on yourself, otherwise you will talk yourself out of good habits you could be developing. {Been there, and that doesn't work.}

Share this comment


Link to comment

So sorry, however I think all of us have been in this exact same place. I was banded in December and while I feel like I've done pretty well. I also will do stupid things. This week was a perfect example. It resulted in my first weight gain. I'm so annoyed at myself, not only because I let it happen, but because I'm thinking of the left over goodies in my fridge! What is that about? Take it one step at a time. Be kind to yourself and get back on track. You can do it! Making the choice to have the procecedrue was the hardest thing. Listen to your body and the rest will follow along.

Share this comment


Link to comment

So sorry Nancy, but you are right..It is an old habit. An old habit that we had done for years to comfort ourselves. I am only just about 2 mos out so I have not went back to my old habits, nor do I ever hope to. However, I always did in the past, or I wouldn't have got into the shape I was in. It is human that we take comfort in old habits sometimes.,Forgive yourself and move on. Wishing you peace and happiness today. Keep holding your head high and dwell on your accomplishments, not your downfalls. You will be fine I have no doubt. :)

Thank you so much for your kind words - this totally helps

Share this comment


Link to comment

Don't be so hard on yourself, Nancy. Your "head" wants to eat, not your belly, and you don't have to drag your self-esteem in either, you said it best -- old habits die hard. They do, and sometimes they don't die; they stick around and rear their ugly heads every so often. It may take a little time for you to substitute snacks that you find pleasurable. I know that feeling of wanting to eat, even though you KNOW you can't get anything down, and I've done the slow eating thing as well. I just got an adequate fill last week, so I'm still learning how to eat. It can be frustrating, but I've learned to like Jello and my protein shakes, and I'm learning to eat slowly and to savor what I eat. You will get there too, just be easy on yourself, otherwise you will talk yourself out of good habits you could be developing. {Been there, and that doesn't work.}

so glad I'm not alone - thanks for your comments, I'm grateful

Share this comment


Link to comment

So sorry, however I think all of us have been in this exact same place. I was banded in December and while I feel like I've done pretty well. I also will do stupid things. This week was a perfect example. It resulted in my first weight gain. I'm so annoyed at myself, not only because I let it happen, but because I'm thinking of the left over goodies in my fridge! What is that about? Take it one step at a time. Be kind to yourself and get back on track. You can do it! Making the choice to have the procecedrue was the hardest thing. Listen to your body and the rest will follow along.

Thanks so much for your support! I really appreciate it

Share this comment


Link to comment

Nancy, so sorry to hear about the pain and the luncheon gone bad. I have sad news to report...this will happen again..so don't beat yourself up too bad. I am almost 3 years out from my surgery and I fall off the wagon and do dumb stuff from time to time. Sweets are my downfall so the desert sounded fantastic to me. My doc said we are addicted to sweets and carbs and just like smokers and alcoholics have problems with these items, we have problems with sweets/carbs. You have done great. You had the surgery, you do your homework and you know you were a bad girl. That is half the battle. The yummy desert is gone and the luncheon is history. Move on, take a walk and pat yourself on the back. You did this ONCE..not all week..not all month..Be proud of yourself and keep moving forward. You can do this - we all have been in the boat with you and I for one, understand..

Melinda in Florida

Share this comment


Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

PatchAid Vitamin Patches

×