I can't believe I'm here. I've battled with my weight for 30 years and here I am beginning a journey for weight loss surgery. Why can't I believe it? I remember when people first started having surgery in my circle of friends. I always had such a strong opinion about it. It seemed so extreme. I felt like if I even thought about surgery it only meant that I was so far gone that I couldn't possibly do it on my own. I've always had a problem asking for help.

I spent the last decade especially floating from one diet to another having success for a while with each but nothing that would last. In that same time frame I watched some people have amazing transformations with surgery and just like my non-surgical diets some would maintain and others would lose it all just to gain it back.

It wasn't until late last year that I decided to stop having preconceived notions about surgery and started really looking into it. The good, the bad, the ugly, and more. The complications, the dumping, the vomiting as well as the advancements and changes and the many surgical options that are available now. The more I read the more I was intrigued. The more I learned that anyone who thinks -- like I used to -- that surgery was a cop out or a quick fix is completely wrong. There's a lot of work involved and you have to be really dedicated to make these procedures work.

I wish I could say that my family was immediately supportive of my decision to look into surgery but other than my husband who loves and supports me in any and every endeavor they were less than pleased. My 19 year old daughter thinks that i should be able to do it all on my own and my mother thinks that I will go through the surgery and then "ruin" it. My 17 year old son is supportive of my decision to lose weight but fears the complications for the surgery but not my choice to have it. Needless to say, I've spent the past 6 months pouring over the types or surgeries, the stories of patients, the risks, the success rates, and more.

I found Bariatric Pal a couple months ago and I've been lurking through all the forums and stories and now that I finally have my initial consultation next week I figured I'd come out of the shadows and start logging my journey. There's no guarantee at this point that I'll even be approved for surgery so I may be getting ahead of myself but I figured that I would want to journal everything leading up to the big day and beyond. I enjoy blogging and I'm able to better express myself and my feelings through writing and I know that I'll be able to look over this again and see just how far I've come.

All I know is that this is a Onderful Opportunity that I won't "ruin" and I'll really give it my all to be successful. Here we go! I'm reaching out for help and I kinda like it.