Hello there, I'm your Lardy Duchess and I'm wanting to write about my weight loss journey.

I was a skinny child, really skinny, and was sometimes called "boney". I haven't been called that in many years and really, I'm not aiming for that ever again. In my late teens I began to gain weight.

Somewhere in the 1980's I lost all that excess weight, and promptly put it all back on. I think at the time I just thought that simply because I lost it once, I was good for a lifetime. Since then I've been on every diet known to mankind. I don't want to name them all here, but I can't think of one well known or notoriously horrid 'diet' I haven't been on. I've tried deprivation, excessive exercise and now, now that I'm in my mid 50's, I'm announcing right here, right now, I'm done with all of that. It's destructive and harsh and horrible.

For those that say - well now come on Duchess - you can do it. Just control yourself and exercise, I say yep, that is great, everyone should do that. I can do that - until I can't do that. Until I can't stop myself. This is like an addiction - on the wagon - off the wagon. Dieting/not dieting. It never ever ends. I come from a family with addiction and abuse issues. That's not an excuse - it's merely a reality. And I feel addicted to food. Unhealthy food in unlimited portions, in scary sizes. It dominates me, dominates my thoughts, controls me. If you've ever been there, you get it. If you've never been there, I suspect you won't understand.

Then again this blog isn't for you either probably. Many things have contributed to this weight loss blog and I'll be writing about some of those issues, but I also value my privacy and may elect to not be public about everything. It feels like if I write it all down, and tell those that can relate on some level, that somehow, someway I'll mend myself - a selfish endeavor maybe, but it's my truth.