I had my first appointment with my surgeon 2 days ago. In the days leading up to it I had dreams of getting a date during the visit and nightmares of psych evals that deemed me crazy because my mother died two years ago. I was filled with a lot of feelings at that appointment. Me and my boyfriend Michael went in knowing a lot, but not realizing what exactly would happen.

I met my surgeon, and she was almost ecstatic to have me as a patient. I don't have any road blocks, or pescky insurance companies to deal with. (Sidebar: I am so thankful I am able to be self pay, and my heart really goes out to all of you guys that are dealing with the a*****e insurance companies) I was given the list of the 2 tests I needed done and a sheet for my PCP to sign to give clearence. She also gave me my pre op diet. I was not given a date, but the timeline of once all the tests are in, about 3-4 weeks out. For some reason, even after all of my dreaming this was now real and immediate.

I am still partially in shock and close to overwhelmed that all of this is happening and happening so quickly. I am trying to sort through all of my anxieties and finding new ones that focus on failing post op along the way. These are ones I wouldn't dare to speak aloud, I feel like if I give them that much credit they will come true. I want this so bad. Losing this weight will mean so much for me. I will no longer be inhibited by my own body. I should have a surgery date by next week. I am thrilled and scared and excited. The journey is beginging. I'm like Frodo heading out of the Shire to lands unknown, on journey with a far away goal and countless unknown obstacles ahead. "Mordor, Gandalf, is it left or right?"