A New Year/ an old problem
On January 15h I will be going to my 4th appointment with my primary doctor. It will be another bad appointment... I spend Christmas with my daughter in Phoenix, AZ and we ate a LOT. We are all experienced cooks and her husband is a gourmet cook. And eat is what we do - We eat to celebrate, we eat because we love it - truly enjoy it - and whenver I come to visit them, which happens once or twice a year, everyone cooks their specialty and we eat enough to last us the whole year.
As I read "Beyond the Refrigerator" I see myself on those pages. I know my weight problem is more than just lbs on a scale - there is an eating disorder there. An eating disorder that I have passed on to my daughter, who seems now to struggle just as much as I do.
The worst thing about our eating disorder is that no matter how big or small we are at a given time - we just can't see it. We "Feel" fat regardless and we allow that to dictate how we feel about ourselves, what kind of mood we are in that day, what we wear, where we go - if we go...
My daughter is about 30 lbs overweight since the baby (He's 18 months) as she is still nursing him (Attachment Parenting). But she might as well be 130 lbs overweight as awful as she feels all the time. It's really heartbreaking to see her anguish and pain and to know I have (as a single parent) taught her to be that way. That is all she knows.
I know it's time for optimism and positive thoughts and New Year Resolutions but all I think about is how my choices have affected my girls in the past and how my future choices/ Surgery/ Weight loss will affect them in the future.
I know there is no point in worrying and pre ocupying myself, but my heart is not at peace for them.
Anyway - I am going to begin a low carb, high protein regimen this weekend (when I can get to the grocery store) and work on those 13-20 lbs weight loss I need to accomplish pre-surgery.
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