Mortified
That's the only word I could come up with describe what I felt when I saw the photo my husband took of me at a charity event the other night. Here I am, sixty pounds smaller than I was at my highest weight. I straighted my naturally curly, unruly hair and was wearing an outfit I thought looked nice and certainly fit a lot looser than the last time I wore it. Since I was the chairman of this event, I really made an effort to look good.
OMG! I looked enormous - I'm only a 38B but I looked like a line backer with a giant jelly roll. Can your head also get fat? I know your face can, but damn if I didn't look like my head was a large melon wearing a flat blonde wig. All the hassles and hurling of the past three years you'd think I'd at least have looked better than I did 60 pounds ago, but no - I look exactly the same!
In for my pre-admission testing on Friday and the nurse said to me, "So the band didn't work for you?" . I've gotten so tired of explaining what I've gone through I just let her roll on with a lecture of how people really need to deal with the root cause of their eating issues.
Yeah - tell me about it Twiggy!
Laughably, now that I'm really eating next to nothing - let's put it this way, even yogurt can be tough to get down - you'd think the pounds would just be falling off especially after a day of creating my extensive outdoor Christmas light display and hauling boxes up from the basement and down from the attic. Nope - no change.
I'll be interested to see if when(if?) I can eat more normally, whether I'm going to balloon up or whether having had such a negative relationship with food for so long, if I'll lose or just hang out at this same weight forever.
One thing for sure - No more photos!!
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