I started back to work on July 1st. I made myself a promise that after I had my surgery I would start looking for a new job. The day I got back to work was so stressful that I went home at lunch and started working on my resume and applied for something someone sent me on Twitter. Today I got a response from that letter asking for an interview on Wednesday. We'll see how it goes.

My feelings on moving jobs right now are so mixed. I've been unhappy at this job since the beginning. A previous co-worker and I started working for this place after our last company was bought out. He was smart enough to leave last year. So I'm excited about the prospect of moving to a better team. I'm not worried about finding another job, the software market in Portland is robust and there are lots of opportunities. At the same time I'm worried about switching to a new job right after surgery and having to worry about complications. I've hit my out of pocket maximum for the year and so anything else that happens this year will be covered without me paying anything. I now have to figure out if that is worth it to me. The way I look at it is that if nothing else, the interview will be good practice for me. And who knows? It might turn out better than expected.

Since the weather finally warmed up I've been out on the river a couple times in the past two weeks. Which always gets me in a good mood. I feel so right, so -- normal when I'm in the sun. I haven't been back out since a 26 year old drowned on the river this past Friday. Such a sad story. She went swimming without a life vest in an area with signs that specifically warn against swimming due to the current and underbank. It's sort of bummed me out in going back there. We have a big float happening this weekend that we've been planning with a bunch of friends for a month now, hopefully it'll be warm.

I went in for my 6-week followup four days ago now. It turns out it's not normal to vomit your food back up after you eat. I thought that it was something I'm doing wrong like taking too big of bites or not chewing enough. I attributed it to something I was doing wrong and resigned myself to yogurt and protein shakes for the time being. I made mention to it during my dietician appointment and she told me to keep trying soft foods every once in a while and to tell the surgeon. So I saw him next and let him know. He thought it was probably nothing but better to find out. They scheduled me for an upper GI that day and the radiologist (also an M.D.) said I have a stricture that is less than 6 mm wide. I didn't realize how small that was until I got home and looked at a tape measure.

I tried calling the Dr's office the afternoon of the upper GI to see if there's anything I need to worry about over the weekend. I had so many questions. Will it close up? What if I can't keep liquids down? How soon can we get me in to get a scope done? Four days later and multiple messages left with the surgical team and not a single answer yet. When I talked with the team the day I had it done, they confirmed they already had the test results. Now I'm just waiting for someone to call me and answer my questions.

I called the office back this morning and they fought with me about why I needed someone to call me when I already had an appointment set up for this Friday. I had to repeatedly explain that the appointment was made before I had the test done and before we knew I had a stricture. I had questions. I wanted, no I needed answers. I want a reassurance that things are going to be ok. And I'm not getting that. I need to be able to tell my boss that even though I just took 6 weeks off, I may need another day here and there until the stricture is dilated and stays that way. Right now I have nothing I can tell him other than there's a complication and when I know more, he'll be one of the first to know.

So I'm a bit frustrated. On Sunday night I started having pain with liquids. I know it's coming from the stricture but I've decided not to go to the ER until it gets to the point where I can't keep liquids down. Until then I get to sit and wait for the office to actually get back to me. I'm pretty blase when i talk about the stricture to people because of all the complications, I think a stricture is benign enough that things will go well.

As I'm writing this though, I'm starting to have some other type of pain in the area where the stricture is. An achy sort of pain that isn't going away and is progressively getting worse. My fear is getting an ulcer. I guess all I can do is hurry up and wait.

It'll all be ok in the end. I just have little patience when I feel I'm not being given the attention I think I deserve.