Hey Everyone, I got home from the hospital on Thursday and since then I have been on an emotional roller coaster. I have had so many highs and lows! All I could think of when I went home was " what have I done?" and "is this really worth it?" I had to talk to people to calm myself down. Between the pain and the mental hunger, I was really starting to regret this surgery.

To those of you who think it will be an "easy fix," it won't be. My journey through this WLS has been very difficult. I'm going on my 4th week of having no food, and having hundreds of different cravings. And when you see people eating something you are craving, it is NOT easy. You are so tempted to take a bite of food and you can't. Just plain dieting and exercise is easier than this surgery. So why did I get the surgery? I counted calories and went to the gym 5-6 days a week. Did cardio, lifted weights...busted my ass. I lost 10 lbs, gained 5, lost 2 gained 20. It was ridiculous. I couldn't lose the weight on my own. No matter what I tried...L.A weight loss, counting calories, portion control, "low fat" everything, cut out junk food, no soda ever, saw a dietitian every month for 3 years trying to fix my "eating habits" that to them were not even poor.

Since I started this program, I lost over 20-25 lbs. I started at 270ish and now I am 246lbs 1 week post op. It works, it's great. I feel better about myself knowing that I am trying- but it is difficult.

This week I tried to focus on pain control. I have fibromyalgia and the surgery pain has been very much so heightened since the Cymbalta wore off entirely. I can't take the only medication that seems to work for me because it can't be crushed. It is for anxiety, depression and fibromyalgia pain....So this week was full of just that. Anxiety, Depression and Fibromyalgia pain. Yesterday I felt every staple, every bruise, every muscle spasm times 10. I cried, I suffered and I medicated. Last night I tried to sleep as much as possible because the pain was intense. I woke up feeling better. So far, so good. I was able to drink 4 oz of a diluted protein shake in 40 minutes. Swelling has gone down. All week I have been trying to keep hydrated but it was difficult with swelling. I started liquids on Wednesday, I was only able to handle a sip here and there. Thursday- Friday I sipped on water and water w/ crystal light. At first it took 1/2 of 1oz to make me feel full. now I can drink about 2oz in under 30 minutes and feel full.... Yesterday I was able to drink 4 oz of a protein shake in 1 hour...small sips of course. stopping when I feel full.... Today, 4 oz in 40 minutes. No gas pain, no difficulty!

I feel like the hardest part is almost over and things are definitely getting easier. I feel happier and motivated. Little to no pain! Today is a good day! I'm looking forward to week 3 when I can start to have thicker liquids. Yogurt, applesauce. When all you can "eat" is clear liquids...broth that I don't and never did like, water with or without crystal light, popsicles, jello all sugar free of course... That applesauce begins looking like a ham dinner. seriously.