Can I do this?
Last night I lost my it cause I am scared. I have moments where I am ready to do it and the next I am having a full panic attack.
The more I think about it comes down to giving up my relationship with food. Food has been my main love my whole life. I eat for comfort, I eat when I am stress, I eat when I am stress...I just love eating. Once that is done I hate myself for eating and for not being able to "control" my eating.
I have not told many people I am considering this surgery because the few people I have told look at me like I am Dr. Frankenstein. I have had several people ask me why I was considering such an extreme measure. I feel like I just walked into work naked! I think I do a good enough job of beating myself up over my weight I don't need anyone's help.
I dream of looking at myself a year from now and being at my goal weight of 115. It is not about the weight it is about being healthy and taking control of my life and health, the weight loss is the added bonus. Why then can't i just jump in and go for it?
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