I probably shouldn't be typing today. Yesterday was just an all around horrible day. I had it out with a co-worker. I really do try to bite my tongue and keep peace...but oh lord she just hit the wrong button. So we've agreed to just not speak to each other. I was going to ask my director to move my cubicle elsewhere (so very tired of the drama in this dept). However, I don't want to add to the drama and stress him out. So I just keep my headphones on and play my music all day while I work. Today I feel the need for 'angry' music.

So worked sucked. Get home last night. I'm chilling with my kids then my g/f gets home...and...well.. of course she starts. Yells at my daughter because she left her bedroom light on (YES i agree, let's not waist energy, i'm big on that too) She then tells her to stay in her room the remainder of the night and takes her phone away. I realize my kids have been told more than once not to leave lights, but really? Then my g/f looks at the living room table and asks me "you couldn't clean it off?". Now keep in mind, I'm a super cleaning freak now. I keep that table SPOTLESS. However SOMEONE (who was not me) was in a rampage Sunday looking for one of her bills and a gift cert. Of course she had to take every document we had put away out to look for these papers. So...was I going to clean up her tantrum mess? OH HELL NO.. Then she looks over at the kitchen table and notices HER waffle from Saturday morning still there. And of course she asks why it's still there and why I didn't clear up her plate after breakfast when I cleared mine. I kindly reminded her she is an adult and can clear her own plate. I reminded her how she got up after breakfast and sat her @ss down on the couch. The 'rule' is who ever cooks, the other cleans..yet when I do cook (which isn't often, I hate cooking, always have) she NEVER cleans up after. Matter of a fact, she usually has the kids do it. I started to eplain to her she needs to help out more around the house. She went on and on about how she pays the bills and cooks.. Of course this didn't go over well with me since i pay MORE THAN HALF the mortgage (since my kids take up the 2 spare bedrooms) and how I pay MORE THAN HALF Of the utilities...we won't even go into how I buy all the toiletries (which is MY fault since I will only use Tide). So we begin yelling at each other...and I finally screamed out "since this is YOUR house and YOU pay all the bills, I'll just move out and get my own place".

Yeah, that didn't go over well. She accused me of being a child and wanting to run out rather than deal with the relationship like an adult. I told her i'm tired of the nitpicking and the fighting. We basically yelled another 30 minutes then we both shut up and aren't talking to each other.

This is the part where I was proud of myself. Rather than run to the fridge to attempt to stuff my face, I went to my room and began cleaning. I even cleaned the bathroom (ok so the bathroom in our room is 'our' bathroom. however, she NEVER cleans the damn thing, so i've stopped getting ready in there, I've stopped cleaning it. Thinking that just MAYBE she would get off her @ss and clean.. NOPE. it's a hot mess. Gross really). So I grabbed clorox and wiped down the whole damn thing. Did a load of laundry.

So this shows me my old habits of using food as my comfort, I now use cleaning as it HAHA!! Much less self destructive.

I did look for houses to rent online today. Ugh there is nothing in my price range (how the hell do people think we will pay more than $1000 for rent..seriously?) I don't know if this fight will blow over.. I don't know that I want it to. I do love her. I do. When it's good, it's great. When it's bad...ugh watch out world. Explosive. I don't feel it's a healthy relationship for either one of us..love or not.

Blah, I just want to go home........so over today.