First thing pick your head up and be very proud of yourself. You should be skipping around not depressed. Also you do not look like a old man, You look good, not to skinny either. Remember people will always have something to say. Just love yourself and so what makes you happy and healthy. Congrats to you. You look amazing!

You look great! You don't look like a little old man and I actually think you look younger than before. It is hard for people to see us going through so many changes. They get used to seeing us big and when we start losing it looks to them like we are a lot smaller than what we actually are. I go through this on a daily basis. People call me "skinny" every day, and let me tell you, I am FAR from skinny. I am still wearing an 18/20 in pants but for some reason, people who knew me before surgery see me as smaller than this. I keep telling myself that if someone who didn't know me before saw me they would still see an overwight woman with plenty of weight to lose. People that see you, ones that didn't know you before, see you as a healthy and fit guy, not someone who is big or overweight. I think sometimes as much as our view of ourselves is skewed, the people that knew us before also have skewed views of us. Keep your head up, you are doing and have done amazing!

You do not look old and you do not look like a little old man. People will say anything to make you feel bad about yourself. I think you look great. As long as you feel good about yourself that is all that matters. Your wife is your support system and her comments should be the only ones you care about. My husband is very supportive of me and I feel his comments are the only that matter to me.

Congratulations! You look healthy. Remember that some of the people around you have an image of what you are "supposed" to look like burned into their brain as well. Screw em, the only person whose option should matter is your wife... she's the one that's gotta look at you naked.

Be proud, brother! I'm looking forward to having that problem :-)

I totally do not see where you look older. To my eyes, you look younger. You do not look sickly. I think that when we first lose weight, our face changes suddenly, our skin hasn't contracted yet, and our loved ones might see those as scary changes. Everyone says your skin rebounds some and tightens, faces fill out again, etc. So maybe just give it time and let them catch up to the new you.

It's hard for us to accept those comments as concern, a lot easier to think it's criticism, but I think with most of our families, they speak out of love and concern--and probably end up doing it badly!

You do not look old. You do not look "too" skinny. You look great.

Your wife is right. You look great. And I don't see any little old man in the pic that you posted. Keep up the good work!

Thanks everyone. I knew I had a distorted image of myself, but I didn't think it was THAT distorted! Cajunlady, my wife was the first one to start telling me I needed to stop, but she never said I looked older. In fact, we were 'intimate' the other night (for the first time in a couple years, but that's a whole other story!), and she said that it weirded her out because she felt like she was with a 12 year old boy because there was nothing to hold onto! TMI, I know, but I thought it was funny. Bluto, that does make sense. It has been a big change in such a short period of time for the people around me also, so their image of me needs to change as much as my image of myself needs to change.

I don't know you at all..But I looked at your pics and you don't look older at all...You look healthier for sure.....

Some people think that they are looking out for you and others are just thoughtless.....

I have lost a lot of weight and still have a lot to lose and people are telling me I look sick and I just say thank you.....Who needs enemies when you have these friends and family...LOL

So I know where you are coming from!

To be fair, she didn't make the statement to me, she said it to my wife, and probably didn't expect it to make it back to me. It was still hurtful.

Sometimes I think that you get comments both ways....Too big...too small..You can't win ..You have worked so hard.....I would be sensitive as well....It is a lot of work to do this journey...It is not for the faint of heart....

That said...Listen to your wife's opinion and see yourself for who you have become....Amazing difference I think....

You look fantastic! I know people who have lost weight "too fast" and it doesn't make them look younger. But at our age (I'm 40), we're in good shape to have the skin bounce back a bit.

And as my surgeon said - loose skin never killed anyone (and being too fat was going to get us!)

I FULLY agree the psych requirements and post-op psych help need to be improved. I've been looking for it, and just can't find someone who understands or is capable of the coaching I'm looking for. My current therapist knows me pretty well, so we're muddling our way through it.

In terms of appearance - I have definitely found how I dress affects how I look. I can look good or bad and younger or older depending on how the clothes fit. I often take photos and send them to my "monitors" for yes or no votes. And often they are telling me the stuff I think is too tight fits correctly. We're just used to hiding ourselves and not used to having things that actually fit. Treat yourself to a personal shopper at Nordstroms. I think my friend said they're free. Have someone dress you and show you. If you're close to goal, it's worth the investment and the training (and you can always fill in your wardrobe with Goodwill!).

As to stopping losing - I'm sure the experts are going to help you transition from losing to maintaining. My NUT has already mentioned there's a difference in what I'll eat. Not how much, just what. I think we've just been in "diet" mode between the pre-op and now post-op that we forget there's a way to eat a little and gain (remember the quart of ice cream for dinner? not that we can do that anymore...)

Don't worry about what people are saying... You look great. And you feel good. And if you look like you're dating a model, more power to you! Congrats to you and your wife on your successes!

Thanks kathp! I think how I was dressed did play a part of it. It was a newer shirt, so it fit correctly, but it was really long. I always wore long shirts before, to hide my belly. Shorter shirts tended to ride up in the front and always made me look fat. Ok, I WAS fat, they just let people see that I was. As for stopping the weight loss, I have my 6 month follow-up with my surgeon and NUT on Thursday, and definitely plan on talking to both of them about it. I tell people that when they tell me I need to stop losing. I don't think they expected me to have lost this much at this point, I sure know I didn't.

Dude.....you look awesome!!! Do not listen to the haters. I had a mean old rotten (now ex) husband who commented (after a successful 50 pound Atkins weight loss) "Every time you lose weight, you get jowls." Once when I had just gotten down to a healthy 135, the husband of a church friend frequently commented on how hungry I looked. Recently, my daughter told me of a t-shirt that said: YOU DO YOU.

I'm sorry those hurtful things were said to you.

I don't see in your picture that you look like a little old man...other than the fact you are wearing light colored jeans...ha! Maybe it's time for a fashion make over So my suggestion...go shopping and buy clothes that are a little more "in"...dark, skinny jeans to go with your new body. Flip through some magazines and see what's "in" for guys in their thirties, and go with it.

Get rid of the little old man image of light jeans and polos...ha!

You have done an amazing job. Be proud of yourself...we are!

Haha, Rebecca! The light jeans were from years ago, the only ones that fit me without looking ridiculous. I've since bought some newer ones that are darker and more in style. I wasn't wearing jeans yesterday, I had on black dress pants and a polo shirt. It was a 50th wedding anniversary, and I wanted to look nice. I usually dress 'hipper' than that.

I want to start off by saying, you look great! Seriously! If I had to guess your age I would say mid 30s. Our clothing can make us look awesome or really bad. I think it was probably your clothing that made you look like a "little old man" to your stepmom. Perhaps you should find a fashionable friend (or even your wife) to help you buy some new clothes. "Younger" clothes would make you look younger (if that is what you want). Is your stepmother overweight? Is it possible for her to be jealous or uncomfortable about your new look and she was lashing out? People are always going to be critical. You look great and feel healthy, so let it roll off your back and move on!

You look great man. Where the hell did she get "little old man"? Hurtful and totally unessessary. You really should be proud of yourself.

time4me, I do need to dress 'younger'. However, I am 42, and don't want to look ridiculous, like someone trying to hold on to their youth. There's a delicate balance. My stepmother is only a little overweight, not obese or anything. She struggles with it, like most people. My wife suggested she may be jealous, but I don't see it.

I don't see old man NOR too thin. I'm jealous of your success, and hope to be there myself someday!

I think you look like you're at a great weight for your height, even if you wanted to lose a couple of more pounds that would be fine. When I look at that picture I don't see 'too heavy' or 'too thin' but 'pretty damn perfect'. As for your age, I would have guessed 35-40ish. You in no way look like a little old man. That's ridiculous.

Perhaps it is genuine concern she approached with when saying you are too skinny. Don't get me wrong, I personally think you look fabulous. (Not "too skinny" nor "an old man") But this woman has spent years accepting (and loving I assume) you as you were. Sometimes it is harder for those around us to accept we are obese and need help than it is for us to decide it for ourselves. You did what was right for you, for your life. Be proud every second of every day that you cared enough about YOU to do that. In time the family (and others) will come around and get to know and love the "new" you the same as they did the old you. BTW- I think it is awesome you and your wife did this together. That is an amazing support system built right into your marriage!

Um, you don't look older that's crazy. You look way more vibrant and full of energy. You look younger and healthier. Great job! Don't let the family bring you down.

Big D....you look Ah maze za ZING!

Maybe it is time for a new wardrobe...step out of your comfort zone and try something that you have never dared to before! You are a handsome man and deserve happiness.

I have seen this many times in my life where people really don't know what to say but feel the need to say something and they promptly insert their foot in their mouths!

Hold your head high and rock the new you!

<3

OMG! You look 1000% better and healthier I don't see a little old man anywhere! Good for you...