It is sad how food dictates my life. Whether I am happy, sad, mad, or angry I always resort to food. People who have real high metabolisms don’t seem to understand why I’m so fat. I eat as much as they do or even less and I gain the weight more than they would.

I haven't had my surgery yet but just trying to leave a little on my plate is getting easier. I have even been doing portion control and leaving a bite or two. It feels good when my stomach signals to my brain that I have had enough to eat and it’s time to put the plate away.

And then I start to wonder what if I can do this w/o the surgery? I’m losing weight by eating less and feeling content with such small amounts. But, then it hits me. I’ve been on this trail before. I have lost weight by portion control alone, and I felt great and had the momentum going like a train, and then one day I derail off the tracks. I’ve had a bad day at work or something to that effect and all of a sudden I want to eat!!! I want the carbs, sweet and salty and the whole nine yards. So I start stuffing my mouth and stomach with satisfying mood food to the point of no return. And when the dust clears I feel so stuffed and miserable, regretting ever taking the first bite. Other times after work or on days I am off, I am bored and have nothing to do, there’s nothing good on TV, I don’t feel like going anywhere, so I sit and eat a bag of chips or cookies and milk. That seemed to have passed some time away. Eating those so-called foods while not being active is what has packed on my pounds over the years.

That pretty much is who I am before I started this journey to the weight-loss surgery. After many months of thinking about it and researching along the way, I have decided that this is what I will do. I have seen a couple of people that I know have success with it and so here I am. I feel it will be a great tool to help me in those times of boredom. I will have to diligently follow a nutrition program that cannot just throw my arms in the air and give up. I look at it as a strong way to keep me on the straight and narrow. As if I’m in jail and can only eat what is given to me.

I am so ready for this surgery on the 25^th of September, exactly one month from now. I still have to do my pre-op blood work, chest x-ray, EKG, and my endoscopy. Get my PCP to sign off and hope that the money we are expecting on the day of my pre-op doctor visit will be in the bank as I have to pay them for the program fee. When all that is complete I will be ready for the next chapter of my life.