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Today I am....Depressed

gamergirl

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Bad news. I've been depressed, lethargic and feeling blah, meh, blue, and blobby for the last three days. Good news: There is absolutely NOTHING wrong IRL, so I know this is just recovery/hormones.

 

I don't know what the heck is wrong with my body but really, everything is going well surgery-wise. No problem with intake, protein, fluids, etc. Blood tests came back looking great.

 

I'm just down.

 

I knew this would happen, but I didn't think it would last thing long. This whole week, I've struggled to do much of anything. I lack vim and vinegar and zip and zing. Over the last 3 days, it's been more pronounced. I'm sort of slug-like right now, and I'd like the old me back please. I suspect so would my employees who aren't used to me being quite so out of it. They all know I had surgery, only one of them knows what kind.

 

R of course is bouncing all over the place like nothing happened, but I notice that he gets angry easily and is very sensitive these days--which is his version of depression. So we're both having to be a bit gentle with each other and cut the other some slack. He's been great about giving me room to be depressed instead of trying to talk me out of it. I'm trying to do the same for him.

 

I lost a pitch yesterday. I HATE HATE HATE losing. I could not have made any profit at the price they finally paid another company, so it was okay to lose it.

 

But what surprised me was that my body reacted immediately and badly to it. As soon as I read the email, I broke out in a cold sweat and almost passed out. No exaggeration.

 

I think my new tummy handles emotion/adrenaline differently. I noticed this when we tried to watch a movie right after the surgery and the rather tame thriller upset my stomach and my nervous system so badly I had to stop watching it. I think with a smaller tummy, the same rush of adrenaline doesn't feel as it used to. It's a horrible, uncomfortable, tense feeling and you want it to go away. Don't know if all adrenaline junkies have to deal with this or not, but I now know that *I* have to deal with this.

 

I want to kick myself in the pants and "snap out of it". I'm keeping it from getting worse, but I haven't snapped out of it yet.

 

Welcome to recovery, emo-style :)



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You'll have to just go through this. I went through this at about 7 or 8 weeks. I was so angry, iritated, and then sad. Over and over again.

At first I tried to ignore the feelings and finally I just had to embrace that is how I was feeling and let the feelings happen. You seem like the type that is a "giver" and takes care of others. I know from experience that we often give others the type of space and forgiveness we don't give ourselves.

Allow yourself to not feel guilty or bothered or rushed by how you're feeling. Until you process all that you're feeling you'll just keep going through the emotions. So many hugs to you!!

BTW, I also realized my reactions to situations changed. It used to be when I felt threatened (emotionally not so much physcially), competition, or nervous I would instantly feel my survival mode kick in and then feel somewhat stronger/empowered. Now, when in these situations I shake. Literally, I get tremmors.

Not sure why that is, but I literally feel a sense of panic come over me. I make myself power through it but I've had to be really careful with what I watch and around people who give off a certain vibe. I hope that changes soon because I feel really vulnerable right now.

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BTW, I also realized my reactions to situations changed. It used to be when I felt threatened (emotionally not so much physcially), competition, or nervous I would instantly feel my survival mode kick in and then feel somewhat stronger/empowered. Now, when in these situations I shake. Literally, I get tremmors.

Not sure why that is, but I literally feel a sense of panic come over me. I make myself power through it but I've had to be really careful with what I watch and around people who give off a certain vibe. I hope that changes soon because I feel really vulnerable right now.

I'm REALLY glad you shared this! It's worrying me because I am super Alpha female. This shaking, sweating business is NOT me. It makes me feel weak and I don't like that feeling. I go toe to toe with men daily at work and I can't be the weak, shaky one.

I agree, I have to let the emotions come. Luckily for me, my husband and kids are very giving people too, so they do take very good care of me when I need it. I got lucky that way :)

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You need to take some "me" time and so does your hubby. Look at pictures that you have with family members. Take a walk down memory lane. Take a drive in the country and listen to the birds sing. Those would be my happy places to go to. You are in my prayers....... and remember "this to shall pass". :-)

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gamergirl...I love reading your posts & your blogs!!! You are REAL and that is what I love. I've noticed it helps me when feeling down to write, to read, to just do something that I enjoy and the feeling sometimes passes. Chin up, you are doing great and keep the comments coming!

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You need to take some "me" time and so does your hubby. Look at pictures that you have with family members. Take a walk down memory lane. Take a drive in the country and listen to the birds sing. Those would be my happy places to go to. You are in my prayers....... and remember "this to shall pass". :-)

Today is going to be a fantastic family day grandmacathy! My 90-year old father is coming from India for a two-week visit, my older son will be home soon to see him, and my younger one is so excited about seeing his grandpa, that it's going to be wonderful in about 2 hours now :)

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I'm 15 days post-op and experiencing a similar lethargic/depressed/blah kind of feeling. Maybe it's the effect of such a drastically altered diet? Not sure, but I would really like my energy and vibrancy to return ASAP. A week ago I felt great, tons of energy. Today, after sleeping 10 hours last night, just blah.

I hope you have a wonderful visit with your dad and your whole family, and that you're feeling better soon.

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Thanks for posting your reality. Sometimes just getting it out there helps. I guarantee your feelings are normal. Check in with us tomorrow and let us know how you're doing. I bet you snap out of it!

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Post operative depression is a real phenomena. Plus factor in we sleevers can not eat what made us happy before and voila instant depression. I hope it will go away as we see our lives improve,weight wise, health wise. I would admit feeling bad, and let it be for as long as you need it, then kick the bad feelings out the door as you go for a walk. I do not want to sabotage my surgery by feeling depressed. If you can not shake it then profesional help might be needed.

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Hi Gamergirl, I am an Aussie living in Singapore trying to push through a nightmare of a situation with the end result myself and my husband being sleeved at the same time back in Australia. It will mean a 3 week trip have the surgery recover for 2 weeks then back to Singapore.

We don't have a date yet but doing everything I possible can to make it happen over the next 2 months. I would be really interested to hear how it is working out for you and your husband? I am 47 and do not want to wait a day longer ( very impatient) must admit I'm a little nervous to see how my husband copes.

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Hi Gamergirl, I am an Aussie living in Singapore trying to push through a nightmare of a situation with the end result myself and my husband being sleeved at the same time back in Australia. It will mean a 3 week trip have the surgery recover for 2 weeks then back to Singapore.

We don't have a date yet but doing everything I possible can to make it happen over the next 2 months. I would be really interested to hear how it is working out for you and your husband? I am 47 and do not want to wait a day longer ( very impatient) must admit I'm a little nervous to see how my husband copes.

Hi there! I have posted a lot in the blogs as well as on the boards about our journey (another way of saying I talk a lot) :) it's working very well for us. I too am 47, my husband is 60 and we're so happy we got this done. If there are specific questions you have, please do PM me and I'm happy to help in any way I can.

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