I have to tell you guys -- this is bizarre, but I'm actually doing ok all things considered. I'm feeling a little squirrley, but for the most part, I'm just excited it is almost here!

For those of you who are behind me in terms of timing on this journey, here have been the most challenging parts of this process:

1. Making the decision. Until I literally put down money (I'm self pay), I was having a constant dialogue about "should I or shouldn't I." It was exhausting.

2. Mourning the food. I felt like a crazy woman for the 2 weeks leading up to my pre-op diet. I ate everything I could get my hands on. Seriously. I went to a different restaurant every night. I ate until I was sick. It was horrible. And it made me question EVERYTHING -- I kept saying to myself, "You are pathetic. If you cannot control yourself better than this, then surgery will never work for you." I now know that was just self-sabotage (as was the crazy behavior itself).

3. Giving up smoking and alcohol. These were a bit tough, but not nearly as difficult as I thought it would be. I just feel like if my entire life is changing, my entire life might as well change (if that makes any sense). No use holding on to other unhealthy coping behaviors. And what's the point of getting my health risks down with the surgery if I were going to continue to smoke?

4. Thinking too much about what my life will be life after this surgery. I know this is an important part of the decision making process because this surgery is irreversible and life-changing. That said, I think I over-scared myself. I keep forgetting that the person I am today does not have the same perspective as the person I will be after surgery. For example, right now, food is the center of my world. I can't imagine life without big plates of pasta, and ice cream, and steak, (etc). But once I get used to eating with the sleeve, I am confident that other things will fill in that void. I have faith that there is life on the other side of food addiction.

Okay -- off to eat my last popsickle before I make an effort at sleep.

See you all on the other side!!!!